Meditation, visions, auras, and whiskey…

On the mundane front, it was quite a weekend.  Any time you work on an old house, never expect things to go as planned.  There are terrible things that can lurk behind 91 year old walls, and they all need to be fixed if they are to see the light of day again.

On the more esoteric side of things the weekend was also quite busy.  The most notable of these happenings was last night while I was wrapping up from my weekend.  I decided that I should do a little bit of meditation to help me unwind from so much work over the weekend, and to help me mentally shift gears back into my normal work mindset.  As I was a bit sore from the physicality of what I had been doing for three days, I decided that a bit of whiskey would hit the spot to help relax the muscles.

With all that in mind, I decided that I would use the whiskey as part of a small conjuration to promote healing and relaxation.  I filled my shot glass, lit my incense, fired up a candle, set my binaural beat, and off I went into meditation land.  Lately I have been starting my meditations with my eyes open, and I just let them naturally close as the relaxation hits them.  I have also been incorporating some visualization techniques to help me to focus my mind when it is darting in uncontrollable directions.

As I started to settle into my zone, as usual, my vision started to change.  It used to take a mind-aching act of will for me to see auras, but with the addition of Horus (my eagle fetish) I can see them much easier, and sometimes unintentionally.  In my limited experience, most inanimate objects have auras that range from white to black.  Plants, people, animals and other living things are the only ones that I have experienced that have any kind of colored aura.  Well, the exception to that comes from rocks and crystals.  I have no idea what is up with those things.  I have seen rocks and crystals that have nothing more than a simple white/grey/black aura, very thin, and I have see samples of the same kind of rock/crystal that have a distinct, stable color.  But, we’ll save that discussion for another day.

The first interesting part of last night came when I noticed that my candle had color in its aura.  It was still the usual, thin aura it normally has, but this time it had a distinctive green color in it.  As the eyes-open part of my meditation went forward, I thought I saw a swirl of red move across the face of the candle, but it was only fleeting and never returned.  The green was still there and very apparent.

The big deal isn’t so much that it was there, but why it was there.  There are a couple of explanations that I can think of right off the top of my head.  The first being that it has always been there, and the additional gift of vision provided to me by my fetish is letting me see things easier and more clearly.  The second explanation that I can come up with quickly is that the candle has been a part of so many conjurations and meditations that it has absorbed some of the energy.  If this second option is the case, what does that mean?  Does that mean that the candle is unintentionally enchanted?  Does it hold some sort of power that I don’t understand like certain crystals/rocks do?  At this point, I don’t know enough to answer any of those questions, let alone why it now has a colored aura.  Perhaps I need to have my fetishes and other items join me in my next round of meditation and see what they look like when my vision changes.  I think that will help me move towards an answer.

Somehow, that didn’t interrupt my meditation.  I quickly slipped further into my meditation.  My eyes slowly closed, and I started my visualization techniques to help corral my thoughts as I got into the deep, dark recesses of my own mind.  Part of my visualization technique is I go into my sacred place to relax and meditate within my meditation.  It may sound bizarre, but the technique works very well for me.  It is a much different technique than I used to use, but the old technique led me to astral projection more than true meditation, so it was been reserved for that specific purpose.  My current technique gets me into a very still state of mind, even if my thoughts are not entirely stopped.  It seems to take so much mental energy to create this multi-layered state that all I’m left with is a single voice with no background noise.  If that voice stops talking, there is nothing but silence.  These glimpses into the absence of thought are powerful.  They make the visualizations that you receive seem more powerful and realistic.  When you still the mind, all you can do is watch what’s happening, without judgement or consideration of any kind.  It just is.

During my meditation last night I did a tarot reading.  It may sound odd, but it’s a great way to receive communication from your subconscious.  You need to plan for it ahead of time, and it needs to happen when you are devoid of thought.  Yes, this is a part of the Conjuration Seven  – Shamanic Divination from the Liber KKK, and last night was kind of a trial run.  I had no specific question, I just wanted to see if it worked, and what kind of information came out of it.  I have not spent the time to really figure out what the four cards I pulled were trying to tell me, but that will give me something to do this evening.

The whole process may sound a bit convoluted, but it’s all techniques that I have figured out thanks to the help of my fetishes and my meditation enchantment.  I haven’t done a ton of research on the topic, but I haven’t found information on anything like it.  But, it works for me so I’m not going to complain.  The best part is you can also multitask.  The primary intention of the meditation and conjuration was actually to help my whiskey work as a muscle relaxant.  I can’t take any aspirin derivatives, Tylenol doesn’t do anything for me, and my work tests constantly for drugs so I couldn’t take any of the old Vicodin I have laying around.  On top of that, I have a medication that doesn’t allow me to drink any large quantities, or even very often.  So, one shot had to do it, and after all of that it really hit the spot.

It was a lot to have happen in a single evening session, but I think it’s a sign that all is going well.  After about six weeks in my training, I would expect things to be happening more than they did in the beginning.  It’s all just a part of the experience of learning and doing.

It’s not a lamp quite yet…

Last night I set about crafting the lamp for my Sorcery Illumination.  I lamented for quite a while about what I would use for this purpose.  At first I thought about a ring, as I have an excellent goldsmith that I have used for projects in the past.  I decided against a ring because I rarely wear the ones I have, including my wedding band.  I then thought about a pendant, which wasn’t a bad idea, I just didn’t have a terribly good way of crafting one that wouldn’t be the size of a cowboy’s belt buckle.

I finally decided on making a little pocket-sized trinket that I can either pack with me, or sit conspicuously within my normal line of sight.  I made it out of polymer clay and a purple crystal that I’ve had for some time.  The reason I chose that specific crystal was primarily for sentimental reasons.  My wife bought it for me at a local casino at the very beginning of a wonderful, relaxing weekend of play.  As my goal with my illumination is to handle stress in more effective ways, the thought of the peace, happiness, and relaxation is embodied in that crystal seemed like a perfect thing to draw on for positive energies.

The design of my trinket isn’t terribly complex.  The clay comes up around about half of the crystal from the bottom, and resembles a broken eggshell.  It has a simple circular base that it rests in, and the crystal sticks out of the top.  The symbolism of the egg comes from when I was a child.  I used to eat my breakfast while watching television, and I would get so lost in my thoughts and what was going on, that sometimes I wouldn’t have any recollection of having eaten.  This is the same result that I want when I try to relax, especially through short-session meditation.  I want to experience nothing but what I am focusing on, which is nothingness.  I want to be so engrossed in the void that I have no recollection of the what is going on around me, even if I choose to slip into the void while sitting on a bench in a crowded place.  That specific goal will take a while to achieve, but success will be just the first reward of such controlled thought.

I still have work left to finish the lamp; it needs to be embellished, painted, and run through my ceremony/meditation/bleeding ritual that seems to be working so well.

IO Chaos!

Moving forward with the Liber KKK…

I’m still moving forward with my Liber KKK training.  While I’m really excited to work towards later parts of the book, I think I’m moving a bit too fast.  I was rereading Liber Kaos today and ran across the portion where Carroll states that one success with a particular conjuration should be the minimum done, and he recommends that you have five successes before moving forward.  Throughout my college days, I was an A student.  it had nothing to do with being smarter, it was just a matter of dedication and effort.  I have a feeling that if I rush too fast through the foundation level portions of this training that I’m not going to truly have what I need to continue well with the process.  So, I’m going to relax a bit, do a few more enchantments, a few more evocations, some divining and continue work towards my illumination and invocation.

On that note, my Tarot cards are helping me choose the subject for my Invocation.  I haven’t quite narrowed it down yet, but I’m sure it will be a good choice.  For my first Illumination, I have decided that my lamp will be a necklace.  I will start crafting the pendant this week.  In the interim, I have tons to do with work, the new house, and a family that all need plenty of much deserved attention.

Tarot, Spirits, and Debunking: A Weekend Tale

It has been an eventful weekend.  Less so with esoteric matters, but an eventful weekend nonetheless.  We are currently in the process of packing up all of our belongings in preparation for our new house, so that leaves me with a lot less free time than I’m used to.  Luckily, Saturday night I did get to spend some time with my wife and the cards; two of my favorite things to spend a long evening with.

Our series of questions to the Tarot focused primarily on a strange event that happened on Friday (spontaneous object movement), and we didn’t really drift too far towards any tangents during our session.  At the end of our session, I asked my wife if she felt any presence in the area, and she said that she did.

The reason that this is noteworthy is that I’m usually completely oblivious to the presence of any entities.  We both concurred that the mood in the room changed drastically about ten minutes before we finished.  The room somehow felt smaller than it did moments before, and there was a (very uneasy) part of me that just knew that something was there with us.  It’s very hard to describe to anyone who hasn’t had this feeling before.  In fact, it was very difficult until I met my wife to confirm what this type of feeling was at all.  It almost annoys me how calm my wife can stay through experiences like this, but I guess anyone would get pretty used to it if they could do it their entire life.

I also debunked something this weekend.  I have a history as a skeptic, which is why certain people are so shocked that I’m getting into magic.  Like I told them: if I can test it, I’m willing to try anything.  My debunking was quite simple.  On Sunday morning I saw a human shadow pass across the wall of our living room.  My wife was sitting in a chair, so it wasn’t her, but my father was nowhere to be found.  He came in just a moment later and, when asked, said he hadn’t been in the front yard at all; which is the only place the shadow could originate from.  I went out front and checked, and the front gate was open, and there were footprints in the tall grass.  The neighbor kid must have come over to retrieve some sort of errant toy.

Why should I bother telling such a simple story?  I tell it because people who aren’t willing to put in a minimal amount of thought and effort to help validate/dispel their beliefs drive me nuts.  Just because you can disprove a shadow on your wall as being something special doesn’t mean there won’t be others that you can’t debunk.  I guess I’m strange in the fact that I really don’t care what the answer is, I just want the answer.  Once I know the truth, I can easily make a rational decision and progress.  Trying to force everything into my specific belief system would just make me lose faith in everything.

Side note:  If you want something fascinating to watch, check out the Clovis Wolfe Manor episode of Ghost Adventures Season 3.  It’s available on Netflix instant play, and was a great addition to my weekend.

An encounter with an entity…

After work last night, my father, my daughter and I ran off to get some dinner, while my wife chose to stay at home and squeeze in a little bit of personal time.  My wife has been a sensitive ever since she can remember.  She grew up in a very secluded are, with little contact outside of her family, so she was surprised when she learned at an older age that other people couldn’t see and hear what she did.  Much like with the aura experiment that we did, the information she gives has been very confirmable in the past, so I have no reason to doubt what she says she experiences.

One of the nice things about where we live right now is that it’s a relatively calm area for paranormal activity.  The land has been in my family for generations, there have been no deaths on the property, and we have had no history of heavy paranormal activity in the entire period we have lived there.  That’s why last night was such a surprise.

After we got home from our dinner and paint swatch quest, got my daughter in bed, and started relaxing ourselves, my wife calmly said,  “There was a guy here earlier. “  I asked her what he wanted and she said that she had no idea, he just walked up the driveway, back out to the road, and then disappeared.  I finally figured out what she was saying and confirmed with her that she was not talking about a solid, tangible person.  While our property is not entirely devoid of activity, something of this magnitude is a truly rare occurrence.

As I found out hours after it happened, I wasn’t terribly shocked when my sweep of the area turned up nothing on my gadgets and gizmos.  My wife said that whatever it was left, or was at least out of her range.

Now, I must warn you, this is the part where I will lose most of my audience.  As I have said in previous posts, I have been a student of the tarot for a number of years.  They were one of my first big steps into the unknown, and they provide amazing insight, even if they don’t always tell me what I want to hear.  So, we have had a saga going with the cards for over a year now.  It involves my wife’s sensitivities, her future with her abilities, and a foretold encounter with a dark entity.  I told you, it gets a bit convoluted.  When we inquired with the cards, it indicated that it was a fairly powerful, hostile entity that was still in the area.  It was drawn to my wife (the specifics I will not explain here) because of its desire for that kind of energy.  According to the Tarot, this is the precursor to the dark being we have been warned about for well over a year now.

When we first started dealing with this kind of reading we didn’t put much credence into it, but we are really starting to wonder now.  Too many things have lined up just to be coincidence in my opinion, and I guess that’s what has me so intrigued by what happened last night.  The bad news is that, if the story the cards have woven is true, it’s not all wine and roses.  It will be a difficult time for the entire family, but it will be devastating if we do nothing about it.  I guess we have no choice in the matter, so all we an do is change our reality to push our future the direction we want it to go.

Time to build my lamp…

As I near completion of the Sorcery portion of the training, I still have a lot left to do.  I have done enough divination work over the past couple of weeks to make my head swim with tarot card images, and I have been fairly good about recording everything into my journal for later review and use.  I’m going to wait a bit before I declare myself finished with Conjuration Two  – Sorcery Divination, only because I’m waiting on some short-term events to unfold to help measure the accuracy that my readings produce.  While I have already made a post about it, I’m still working on enchantments from Conjuration Three, but that will most likely turn into an ongoing practice, rather than something that I restrict to this training.

I’m going to save Conjuration Four  – Sorcery Invocation for last, as I see it as something that I want to put a great deal of thought into before attempting.  I wouldn’t want to try such a spell for arbitrary reasons, and I wouldn’t want to channel a force that I don’t understand very well.  So, that leaves me with working towards Conjuration Five  – Sorcery Illumination.  I have a problem with improperly handling stress, so better skills in identifying when stress is coming on, accepting the outcome after I have done my part, and release after the situation has been resolved will be my primary focus for my Illumination.

Yes, that does sound like a lot to take on, but nobody said change was easy.  Even magic takes work, thought, education, and dedication.  If the time comes that I am ready to move toward the Shamanic portion of the training and I still do not feel complete in this step, I will consider progress a success and move forward.  The nice part about moving forward is I can use the new skills I learn in later conjurations to help my overall process of Illumination.

I haven’t decided what to make as a lamp yet.  I consider it to be a major part of this process, so I feel it needs to be something I make with my own hands.  Just to keep snoops away, I’ll etch/engrave the piece with Theban letters, so nobody will know the intention of the piece but me.  I don’t tend to speak about my beliefs outside the anonymous world of the Internet, the area I live in is terribly backwards in its level of tolerance.  A local fellow received death threats just for selling the Magic CCG at his comic shop.  The wild, wild west still has a bit of the  “Law West of the Pecos “ running around in the shadows.

Back to the Tarot…

I have been lamenting over the past couple weeks about divination.  The Liber KKK states that I should use a simple method of divination, such as the runes, because a method like the Tarot may be too complex for later usage.  I have been using the runes for the past couple of days, and I just can’t seem to get into a good groove with them.  Yes, they are far easier to interpret than the Tarot, but on the more in-depth issues, the answers seem very vague.  I feel that this would lead me towards interpretations that have been tainted with my own desires or perceptions, versus the far less cryptic answers I receive from my cards.

I guess that’s the one thing that has always kept me drawn to the Tarot over all of these years.  The answers it gives me aren’t always what I want, but they are correct.  Just as things are with life, it doesn’t really matter whether you like something or not, it is what it is.  That, of course, is one of the things that draws us to magic, we desire some control over our reality, so something being  “the way it is “ isn’t necessarily the only possible outcome.

It will take a while before I get to Conjuration Seven  – Shamanic Divination, so I plan on trying a few experiments before that step arrives.  First, I plan on doing a series of readings using my traditional method of interpretation, then a few weeks later (when I have forgotten the reading), I will try to interpret the same cards quickly, one at a time.  I think this will be a decent test of how well my basic instinct guides me in my readings versus the broad view interpretations that I currently use.  I also want to try to see if I can get to a point in my meditation where I can speak while I do it.  If I can achieve this, it will allow me to describe what I see for interpretation later.  Although, if you read yesterday’s post, there seems to be no problem remembering a profound experience while meditating.  I’m still having a hard time not accepting that as a memory of my physical body.  All of my senses were engaged so heavily that I can still remember every moment as vividly as if I were still there.

I’m currently working on the portion of Conjuration Two which has me divine short-term phenomena to help me determine a reliable idea about the accuracy of my readings.  Things aren’t quick when you’re learning, but they do keep on moving.