It’s a good thing I don’t believe in karma…

I’m a very gentile person. I don’t generally like to harm animals unless they are going to be my dinner, and I don’t intentionally hurt others without good cause. While I understand that “good cause “ is something that we all must decide for ourselves, I generally set the bar very high for myself. That being said, I’m going to start the process of making someone’s life a little more interesting than it used to be.

I understand that capitalism is a dog-eat-dog concept. I’ve lived in it my entire life, and I’ve come to enjoy the game of competition amongst those who would try and outdo me in the workplace. The problem I’m facing now is a bias against one of my department colleagues, and it is effecting the perception of our entire group within the company. The enemy has lied and manipulated the situation, so that means I don’t have to fight fair either. While my goal is not to utterly destroy my opponent, it is my intention to expose him for the slime-ball that he is, and have company-wide opinion of him reflect what he really is.

The trick is, I need to formulate a plan to go about making all of this happen with all of the Sorcery and Shamanism tools at my disposal. I figure I just need to conjure up something really annoying that is going to keep him distracted. Why? Because it’s hard as hell to maintain a really good stack of lies. It’s usually like a house of cards; remove one, and the rest come falling down. I think I may need to create a new fetish. Some sort of small, quick animal that I can send out with a bit of Shamanistic Evocation to gremlin a few things for me.
Don’t worry, I’m not going to try and smite the guy or anything…at least not yet. I enjoy watching people go into a tailspin when it’s all because of the lies that they have sown. And, if it doesn’t work, I’ll be an Exec. VP in 5 – 7, and I’ll just embarrass him in front of the BoD. I’ll win either way…trust me.

The great conundrum…

I’m facing a bit of a problem and I can’t figure out how to solve it.  The problem is that different parts of me are in control at different times, and I can’t seem to reconcile the differences between them.

During my days I am a hard-working, creative person; I work non-stop from the time I get to the office to the time I get home, and I produce more deliverable content than anyone thought possible when this position was created for me.  I’m anti-social, but this comes from a combination of factors.  The first being that I get massive social anxiety when I have to deal with more than one person at a time.  The second part to it is that I am here to produce, not to make small-talk with people on the company dime.  The work ethic and the lack of social interaction outside my department turns me into a highly-celebrated production machine that is constantly shifting our paradigm of what we can achieve and how fast we can do it.  This carries into my personal life where I play hard, laugh hard, love hard, and sleep hard.  It has always been my way, and I’m entirely accustomed to it.

The problem is that when I start meditating, this portion of my personality completely disappears.  It’s just…gone.  While this makes meditation an amazing way to relax, it creates a bit of a problem when trying to use my meditative states for the purposes of magick.  Once I get into a deep enough state to create beings, animate fetishes, and all that other wonderful stuff, I just don’t care to do it any more.  All I want to do is sit in my sacred place and relax.  I have to consciously make myself stop at the end of my sessions, or I would just sit there, indefinitely, in a meditative state.  So my new quest becomes giving myself the will to act on my will while meditating.  It even sounds kind of silly when you think about it.  I’m contemplating using some of the Sorcery methods that I learned in the first part of the training to see if I can get my will a bit more in focus.

This also brings up a reminder about magick:  Be careful what you wish for.

I never used to get this deep, so I never had to worry about this situation.  But, since I have made my meditation enchantment, I have been able to get into states so deep that I have a hard time wanting to come out of them.  I would never think of destroying my meditation enchantment, but I will have to do some work to maintain a level of control and intent while I’m in those deepened states.

Reflections on sorcery…

Now that I have completed the Sorcery section of my training and am preparing myself to move on towards Shamanism, I figured it would be a good time to reflect on the Sorcery experience as a whole.

I can understand why Carroll wanted beginners to start with Sorcery.  It’s a very mechanical, physical approach to magick.  Since we are all so bound to the physical, it gives the beginner a great place to start, and something tangible to work with.  That tangibility helps to connect us with our intent the way we are most connected to our reality.

The only complaint I have about the Sorcery part of the training, is the part that makes it so great for beginners:  the tangibility.  The problem I find with it being so tangible, is that others can see what you’re doing as well.  Curious fingers can get in and stir around in your workings.  While there may not be any malice involved, just pure curiosity, there is something immediately sacred about the objects that are constructed.  At least in my experience, when someone messes with a fetish or enchantment it feels like they are far too deep inside your personal space.

Don’t get me wrong, I understand that anything physical has that potential, it was just a bit of an abrupt wakeup the first time I walked into the kitchen and someone was handling Socrates.  Part of that stems from knowing that people have no idea what they’re touching, and I really don’t want to be the one that has to explain it to them.

Luckily, my new home will have a lot more private place for me to display my creations while keeping them out of harm’s way.  Good thing I’m almost done with the renovations.  Only two weeks until we move!

Conjuration Four – Sorcery Invocation

Dress different, act different, be different.

Sorcery Invocation is a simple concept really.  People instantly judge you based on how you look, act, and speak.  Once they make that judgement, it takes a long time to convince them otherwise.  Our minds tend to gravitate to what we already know, so not changing our mind about someone is a whole lot easier than changing it.

My wife likes to call a specific outfit that I have my  “Billy Badass “ gear.  It’s really nothing more than a pair of shoes and a leather jacket, but it changes my entire look so much that we have been fascinated over the years by the responses.  I know a lot of it has to do with my size.  At over 6 1/2 feet tall, and a little over 300 pounds, I’m a big, big dude.  When you throw me in a biker coat, shave my head, and throw on the work boots, I look like a totally different person.  I have been accused of being a bouncer, part of a rock group that was about to perform, a biker, and (my personal favorite) a professional wrestler.  The guy who thought I was a wrestler was so convinced that I was, that my attempts to deny it made him even more convinced that I was, and that I just didn’t want people to know.

With the county fair going on, I will have the opportunity to mess with the public at large for the entire weekend, and I’m sure the results will be fun.  At the Sorcery level, I have been playing with invocation for many years, only I never really knew what to call it.  I only knew that if I changed the way I looked, walked, spoke, and acted, I could get away with it every time.  I also clean up very well, and learned proper manners as a child, so I have performed my little stunt as everything from lowly ghetto thug to making friends (and having a couple of smokes) with the late, great Frank Kelly Freas at a $150 per plate awards banquet  I had no idea it would be classed as magic when I did it in the past, but it has provided me with some of the best memories of my life.

So, I’m not going to wait for my results from this weekend, I’m simply going to call it complete now that I have a better understanding of what it is I actually do.  I’ve been doing it for years, so (much like the tarot) it will be an ongoing practice of mine.

It’s not a lamp quite yet…

Last night I set about crafting the lamp for my Sorcery Illumination.  I lamented for quite a while about what I would use for this purpose.  At first I thought about a ring, as I have an excellent goldsmith that I have used for projects in the past.  I decided against a ring because I rarely wear the ones I have, including my wedding band.  I then thought about a pendant, which wasn’t a bad idea, I just didn’t have a terribly good way of crafting one that wouldn’t be the size of a cowboy’s belt buckle.

I finally decided on making a little pocket-sized trinket that I can either pack with me, or sit conspicuously within my normal line of sight.  I made it out of polymer clay and a purple crystal that I’ve had for some time.  The reason I chose that specific crystal was primarily for sentimental reasons.  My wife bought it for me at a local casino at the very beginning of a wonderful, relaxing weekend of play.  As my goal with my illumination is to handle stress in more effective ways, the thought of the peace, happiness, and relaxation is embodied in that crystal seemed like a perfect thing to draw on for positive energies.

The design of my trinket isn’t terribly complex.  The clay comes up around about half of the crystal from the bottom, and resembles a broken eggshell.  It has a simple circular base that it rests in, and the crystal sticks out of the top.  The symbolism of the egg comes from when I was a child.  I used to eat my breakfast while watching television, and I would get so lost in my thoughts and what was going on, that sometimes I wouldn’t have any recollection of having eaten.  This is the same result that I want when I try to relax, especially through short-session meditation.  I want to experience nothing but what I am focusing on, which is nothingness.  I want to be so engrossed in the void that I have no recollection of the what is going on around me, even if I choose to slip into the void while sitting on a bench in a crowded place.  That specific goal will take a while to achieve, but success will be just the first reward of such controlled thought.

I still have work left to finish the lamp; it needs to be embellished, painted, and run through my ceremony/meditation/bleeding ritual that seems to be working so well.

IO Chaos!

Rolling with the runes…

I have decided to go with the runes for my Sorcery Divination. It may be a while before I complete this step as I have to learn to interpret the runes, create a casting mat/table, and practice with them until I get fairly comfortable with reading them. I don’t see a reason why I can’t move forward in the training while still working on this one though. These steps don’t have to be done in order, but I would like to keep the groups of five together as much as I can. It seems logical to do all of my sorcery in a group before I move onto shamanism because it may require a bit of a mind shift to changes styles of magic on such a deep level.

I had a good idea about how to make a casting table though. There is a local vendor who will cut whatever I want into vinyl for a very reasonable fee. I can take my concept for casting mat and have it done up as a decal that in can apply to anything relatively smooth. This will allow me to make a semi-permanent surface to work with, and I can even use a relief of the same design in the future as a mask for different wood stain colors to make a permanent table, with a far cleaner look and feel than using a wood burner. I won’t make such a commitment until I am really comfortable with how well the design works for divining, as spending hundreds of dollars on a quality table and hours refinishing it seems silly until I know what I’m doing.

The search for divination…

I’m currently preparing myself to follow the second step in the Liber KKK. Conjuration Two  – Sorcery Divination will be an interesting test. As I have stated in a previous post, I’ve been a student of the tarot for a couple of years, and I am fairly comfortable with using it for divination. The Liber KKK recommends a simple method of divination so it isn’t too complex for Conjuration Seven  – Shamanic Divination. At first I wondered if my knowledge of the tarot would allow me to continue using it through these two steps, but I can see now that it would be a recipe for disaster. While I am confident in my ability to interpret the tarot with surprising accuracy, it’s the speed of my method that concerns me. I like to lay out all the cards in whatever spread suits my needs, and then I look at them as a whole, not just their individual positions. This helps me spot trends and themes that run through a reading, which has been where some of the best information has come from. I’m afraid that if I have a successful  “vision quest “, which is the goal of conjuration seven, that the imagery might come too fast for me to properly interpret, or it may be so subtile that I miss, or forget, it entirely.

So, my new search is to get comfortable with something much more simple, that can give me answers that can be readily interpreted in a matter of moments. I think this should give me a better tool to work with as I advance towards Conjuration Seven. I might just go with the suggestion of the book and use my set of runes. I’m not terribly familiar with them at this point, but with a bit of practice I’m sure I will get in a good rhythm with them. I now understand why the Liber says that people shouldn’t spend less than one year complete the training. As I am being honest with myself in this process, I’m finding out how much more there is to learn. Learning takes time, but it is always a solid investment of time. That’s why I went to college, that’s why I constantly refine my skills at work, and that’s why I try to learn as much about different beliefs as possible.