Shamanic evocation fails…

Although I have a good relationship with my servitors, Lazarus and Socrates, I had no idea what they looked like. I built the fetishes that give me the physical link to them, but that doesn’t mean that it is the form they have taken in the spiritual/astral realm. I meditated last night with the intention of completing my ‘Conjuration Six – Shamanic Evocation’ by attempting to meet each of my servitors in the non-physical realm. My wife hasn’t felt the presence of Socrates for a while now, mostly because I have him out on information collection missions pretty much at all times, so I figured I would only meet Lazarus if I was successful.

I started my meditation, and my physical detachment and visualization techniques, which made me slip into my dual awareness very quickly. As a part of my technique I use a progressive mental detachment that ends in complete dual awareness and lets my astral self take control of the situation. As I progressed, I felt myself changing, and by the time the technique was finished, I was the same animal that my guide was. My senses were heightened and I could feel the strength in my body.

I smelled something. Something far off. A scent that was familiar to me, and yet I did not know it at all, as I had never experienced senses like this before. I decided to follow the scent in hopes that it would take me to Lazarus. After some travel within the void, with the smell I was tracking a good ways off, my spirit guide walked in from the side and stopped directly in front of my path with a posture that felt like ‘none shall pass’. As I approached him I instinctively went into some sort of submission routine with my guide, which was probably a really good thing after the posture he had towards me the first time I met him. It felt like a master and student relationship.

I asked him what he was doing here, as it was not my intention to bother him. He responded in his deep, powerful voice:

Walk with me.

You have been doing well since the last time we met, as you have learned to protect your child and mate much better.

In the wild, some of the most dangerous encounters a family can have come not from outside influences, but from the male. Of course we are not the physical of our kind, merely the spirit of their energy and way of life, but that danger is still there.

One day you will not need your creations. Your owl friend is a great ally to have for now, but one day you will not require his services and will need to set him free. Your other creation…

Your other creation is fine…for now.

I know you came here to meet him, but you are not ready. He is a shifter, and they can be dangerous. They have no true form, no balance with any of the forces that drive the universe, which makes them unpredictable. He will become…

We will deal with that when the time arises. And always remember to treat your enemies according to your true nature.

You should go now and reflect on what you have learned both in life and through your meditations. There is more to be learned from them than what lies on the surface.

I never asked more than that one question, as I knew he would give me the information I needed. I felt like the question was unnecessary, but tolerated due to my lack of experience. I think I will adopt the ëdo not speak unless asked a question’ policy on our next visit.

There were many short and long pauses in what he said, but there is no good way to express them in text. Many of the pauses seemed to be a part of the meaning. Subtile difference in his posture were also a part of the message that are hard to describe. When he dismissed me I thanked him and returned the way I came, gradually coming out of my meditation and bringing that peaceful feeling and relaxation up with me into the physical world.

I never did meet Lazarus, but I could tell that my guide really did not think it was the right thing to do, so I respected his wishes and wisdom. I will not try and meet Lazarus again until I am told that I am ready to see him.

Based on body language and inference, I could tell that he didn’t like Lazarus, or the way he handled the situation with my wife’s ex-boss. I’m starting to find out that he doesn’t follow orders as well (if at all) when it’s a beneficial act, but he has been overdoing the ones involving red and black magick. I learned a lot from making him, but earlier posts will tell you that I did not make him perfectly. I was also in a very bad place mentally, which affects his nature because that was part of what created him.

It’s a learning process every day if you spend the time to look for ways to grow and continue your journey. Chaos has led me into so many spiritual beliefs that I have nowhere near the same outlook on anything anymore. With these acceptances, and the original reason I got into magick out of my hands, I have few desires of what to change or influence in my life. All I seem to crave now is more insight into the true nature of things. Chaos can involve or not involve any belief system you want, even Chaos. Life, death, everything come from Chaos. Everyone is part of it, only whether or not they are practicing the art of Chaos is the question.

As you can see, I have plenty to meditate and reflect on for a while.

I met my spirit guide…finally…

I know it has been a while since I posted anything that directly relates to my Liber KKK training. The reason is that the Shamanistic portion has been something of a problem for me to work on in my new house. My private space has now been setup to be shared; and while that’s a good thing within the family, it makes it difficult for working magick through meditation, especially while one is still learning to get really good at the process.

The good news is, we have a new understanding about the shared space. My wife and I have both agreed that we each need totally private time every now and then, so we just make it clear and the other does not interrupt unless there is a crisis or the door opens. This has really helped me focus on the Shamanistic portion of the Liber KKK, and has led me to truly feel complete on the invocation part of it.

After much searching, I have finally met my spirit guide. It’s not a servitor that I have created, but an actual spirit, or god-form, that is not of my making. This is awesome to find because it allows me to get information, wisdom, and guidance from something that isn’t tainted by my own opinions and beliefs. Socrates almost fits the bill for this one, but I have him out on so many information gathering errands that I don’t want to interrupt what he’s so good at.

The Shamanic Evocation, as you can tell by many of my other posts, is well-practiced in my relationships with Lazarus and Socrates. That leaves me with a bit more practice on the Divination and Enchantment portions, and then the final piece will be the illumination; the ëvision quest’ as it is traditionally called.

I’m not sure exactly how I will approach the illumination, but I’ll cross that bridge when I feel comfortable with starting that final piece of the Shamanism section. I also see it as the most important part, and is the portion that I feel will be best for me to carry into the Ritual section of the training.

I know my progress looks slow, but I don’t want to be incomplete about my training. If I’ve learned one thing so far, it’s that the more I work on magick, the less I know about everything as a whole, and even my own perception about reality. Cautioned, careful, and complete learning is the key for me, and I won’t consider myself truly finished until I’m comfortable that I can practice and continue to learn in a safe and educated way.

The weekly wrap-up…

I leave tomorrow for Baltimore, so I figured I’d write a bit of a summary as to where things sit right now.

Currently i’m just embarking on the Shamanism portion of the Liber KKK. I finally have a plan for what I’m going to do for my first round of conjuration too. To take care of a little situation in my workplace I’m going to step back to Sorcery and create a new fetish. This fetish will be designed as a trickster, so the final form will be a sculpture of either a coyote or Puck. After the fetish is successfully created, I’m going to do some Shamanic Evocation work to unleash the little guy on my adversary. This will be followed-up with Shamanistic Enchantment to help his perception of the trickster, and add a little bit of paranoia for him into the mix. This situation will also be a good time for me to practice Shamanistic Divination to see how well I can predict the outcome, or at least milestones, in this part of the training. I’m not sure how much I will get done during my extended absence, especially while I’m out of town and separated from my tools, but there should be time for some quality meditation thrown in there.

All that being said, I will try my best to post over the next couple of weeks, but no guarantees. Time will be short, the work will be hard, and my access to decent technology will be limited.

It’s a good thing I don’t believe in karma…

I’m a very gentile person. I don’t generally like to harm animals unless they are going to be my dinner, and I don’t intentionally hurt others without good cause. While I understand that “good cause “ is something that we all must decide for ourselves, I generally set the bar very high for myself. That being said, I’m going to start the process of making someone’s life a little more interesting than it used to be.

I understand that capitalism is a dog-eat-dog concept. I’ve lived in it my entire life, and I’ve come to enjoy the game of competition amongst those who would try and outdo me in the workplace. The problem I’m facing now is a bias against one of my department colleagues, and it is effecting the perception of our entire group within the company. The enemy has lied and manipulated the situation, so that means I don’t have to fight fair either. While my goal is not to utterly destroy my opponent, it is my intention to expose him for the slime-ball that he is, and have company-wide opinion of him reflect what he really is.

The trick is, I need to formulate a plan to go about making all of this happen with all of the Sorcery and Shamanism tools at my disposal. I figure I just need to conjure up something really annoying that is going to keep him distracted. Why? Because it’s hard as hell to maintain a really good stack of lies. It’s usually like a house of cards; remove one, and the rest come falling down. I think I may need to create a new fetish. Some sort of small, quick animal that I can send out with a bit of Shamanistic Evocation to gremlin a few things for me.
Don’t worry, I’m not going to try and smite the guy or anything…at least not yet. I enjoy watching people go into a tailspin when it’s all because of the lies that they have sown. And, if it doesn’t work, I’ll be an Exec. VP in 5 – 7, and I’ll just embarrass him in front of the BoD. I’ll win either way…trust me.

Lots and lots of meditation…

Over the weekend I had a bit of a break from restoring my new house while the finish on the floor cured.  I spent the time with family, eating bad food, watching football, and (of course) meditating.  I’ve been working on my meditation fairly steadily as I move into the shamanism portion of the Liber KKK; just trying to get into really deep states on a regular basis to help me with related conjurations.

While meditating last night, I had an animal visitor while I was sitting in my sacred place.  He was a little black and white cat, probably about 2/3 grown, and was very friendly.  I’ve always had an affinity for cats over other animals.  Their independence and selective affection works very well with my personality, unlike dogs who need constant affection every moment of their day.  The little guy came up to me while I was just sitting and relaxing and rubbed on my leg.  I gave him some affection at a little treat and he settled into my lap while I laid back and enjoyed the peace of my special time.

Does this encounter mean anything?  Hell if I know.  I enjoy cats so it’s a possibility that my subconscious just created him to help my enjoyment of my sacred place.  He could be some sort of symbolic message or guide, but that will become clear in time.  If he becomes a recurring guest in my sessions, then I will have to figure out some sort of purpose or meaning for him, but until then I’ll just enjoy the company.

As i left my sacred place last night he didn’t try to follow me.  He just sat and watched me leave.  If he turns out to be some sort of spirit guide, I will be surprised but accepting.  I always figured a spirit guide was some sort of grand, powerful symbol of our ideal selves, not an adorable adolescent house cat.  But, as I’m finding out throughout this entire journey, things are what they are, and I really don’t have much control over them.

Reflections on sorcery…

Now that I have completed the Sorcery section of my training and am preparing myself to move on towards Shamanism, I figured it would be a good time to reflect on the Sorcery experience as a whole.

I can understand why Carroll wanted beginners to start with Sorcery.  It’s a very mechanical, physical approach to magick.  Since we are all so bound to the physical, it gives the beginner a great place to start, and something tangible to work with.  That tangibility helps to connect us with our intent the way we are most connected to our reality.

The only complaint I have about the Sorcery part of the training, is the part that makes it so great for beginners:  the tangibility.  The problem I find with it being so tangible, is that others can see what you’re doing as well.  Curious fingers can get in and stir around in your workings.  While there may not be any malice involved, just pure curiosity, there is something immediately sacred about the objects that are constructed.  At least in my experience, when someone messes with a fetish or enchantment it feels like they are far too deep inside your personal space.

Don’t get me wrong, I understand that anything physical has that potential, it was just a bit of an abrupt wakeup the first time I walked into the kitchen and someone was handling Socrates.  Part of that stems from knowing that people have no idea what they’re touching, and I really don’t want to be the one that has to explain it to them.

Luckily, my new home will have a lot more private place for me to display my creations while keeping them out of harm’s way.  Good thing I’m almost done with the renovations.  Only two weeks until we move!