Shamanic evocation fails…

Although I have a good relationship with my servitors, Lazarus and Socrates, I had no idea what they looked like. I built the fetishes that give me the physical link to them, but that doesn’t mean that it is the form they have taken in the spiritual/astral realm. I meditated last night with the intention of completing my ‘Conjuration Six – Shamanic Evocation’ by attempting to meet each of my servitors in the non-physical realm. My wife hasn’t felt the presence of Socrates for a while now, mostly because I have him out on information collection missions pretty much at all times, so I figured I would only meet Lazarus if I was successful.

I started my meditation, and my physical detachment and visualization techniques, which made me slip into my dual awareness very quickly. As a part of my technique I use a progressive mental detachment that ends in complete dual awareness and lets my astral self take control of the situation. As I progressed, I felt myself changing, and by the time the technique was finished, I was the same animal that my guide was. My senses were heightened and I could feel the strength in my body.

I smelled something. Something far off. A scent that was familiar to me, and yet I did not know it at all, as I had never experienced senses like this before. I decided to follow the scent in hopes that it would take me to Lazarus. After some travel within the void, with the smell I was tracking a good ways off, my spirit guide walked in from the side and stopped directly in front of my path with a posture that felt like ‘none shall pass’. As I approached him I instinctively went into some sort of submission routine with my guide, which was probably a really good thing after the posture he had towards me the first time I met him. It felt like a master and student relationship.

I asked him what he was doing here, as it was not my intention to bother him. He responded in his deep, powerful voice:

Walk with me.

You have been doing well since the last time we met, as you have learned to protect your child and mate much better.

In the wild, some of the most dangerous encounters a family can have come not from outside influences, but from the male. Of course we are not the physical of our kind, merely the spirit of their energy and way of life, but that danger is still there.

One day you will not need your creations. Your owl friend is a great ally to have for now, but one day you will not require his services and will need to set him free. Your other creation…

Your other creation is fine…for now.

I know you came here to meet him, but you are not ready. He is a shifter, and they can be dangerous. They have no true form, no balance with any of the forces that drive the universe, which makes them unpredictable. He will become…

We will deal with that when the time arises. And always remember to treat your enemies according to your true nature.

You should go now and reflect on what you have learned both in life and through your meditations. There is more to be learned from them than what lies on the surface.

I never asked more than that one question, as I knew he would give me the information I needed. I felt like the question was unnecessary, but tolerated due to my lack of experience. I think I will adopt the ëdo not speak unless asked a question’ policy on our next visit.

There were many short and long pauses in what he said, but there is no good way to express them in text. Many of the pauses seemed to be a part of the meaning. Subtile difference in his posture were also a part of the message that are hard to describe. When he dismissed me I thanked him and returned the way I came, gradually coming out of my meditation and bringing that peaceful feeling and relaxation up with me into the physical world.

I never did meet Lazarus, but I could tell that my guide really did not think it was the right thing to do, so I respected his wishes and wisdom. I will not try and meet Lazarus again until I am told that I am ready to see him.

Based on body language and inference, I could tell that he didn’t like Lazarus, or the way he handled the situation with my wife’s ex-boss. I’m starting to find out that he doesn’t follow orders as well (if at all) when it’s a beneficial act, but he has been overdoing the ones involving red and black magick. I learned a lot from making him, but earlier posts will tell you that I did not make him perfectly. I was also in a very bad place mentally, which affects his nature because that was part of what created him.

It’s a learning process every day if you spend the time to look for ways to grow and continue your journey. Chaos has led me into so many spiritual beliefs that I have nowhere near the same outlook on anything anymore. With these acceptances, and the original reason I got into magick out of my hands, I have few desires of what to change or influence in my life. All I seem to crave now is more insight into the true nature of things. Chaos can involve or not involve any belief system you want, even Chaos. Life, death, everything come from Chaos. Everyone is part of it, only whether or not they are practicing the art of Chaos is the question.

As you can see, I have plenty to meditate and reflect on for a while.

My servitors return…

I sent two of my servitors (Lazarus and Socrates) on an information gathering quest about a week ago without telling anyone. Last night, my wife said to me, “Your little buddy has been gone for a bit, but he’s back and he brought something with him. “ Jackpot. One of the things I did when I sent Socrates out was to have Lazarus go with him as a guardian, and I also gave him permission to feed as he felt necessary. Both of them returning at the same time means that the pair stayed together, which is great as one of my goals is to get them used to working as a team, one as the doer, the other as the messenger.

As I have found in all things, if you ask a question, or seek knowledge, the answer may not always be what you were expecting or wanted to hear. This was the case with the information that they brought back for me. It completely flipped the direction of my research on a huge magickal project that I have been working on, because they informed me of variables and consequences that I had not thought of before. They were things that could have proven totally disastrous.

The good news is that they also retrieved the information on the new direction that I should take. It all boils down to making something comfortable and feel secure to get it contained rather than forcing to do what I want. Apparently well designed coercion works better than an iron fist in life and in magick too. I think it will be the first orange magick I will have performed since I started. It may end up being Orange with a touch of Black (just because of the nature of the spell) disguised as a green spell. Yeah, I’ve got a whole ton of work to do, but nobody ever said that real magick was easy.

Chasing the Magical Dragon…

The term ‘chasing the dragon’ has been used as slang for a specific type of opium use, but it has also been used to refer to the pursuit of an ultimate high. Many drug users in fact have problems with usage because they are chasing the feeling they had the very first time they used it.

This analogy can be applied to many things in our lives, including magick. As I have been getting back into the practice lately, as my person issues are starting to stabilize and more time can be spent elsewhere, I find myself ëchasing the magical dragon’ in a way. I still remember that very first moment of wonder as I realized that something I had done actually had an effect on things. That feeling of wonder and amazement, the thoughts of limitless possibilities, and the feeling of empowerment to know something that very few people will admit exists, was one of the most profound moments in my life.

Those paradigm shifting experiences happen infrequently, and some people have few (if any) in an entire lifetime. So I’ve been tweaking and massaging the way I do my magic to try to get another one of those moments. My spells are becoming more complex, my results more measurable and predictable, and everything is more powerful overall. But I’m still working on the same paradigm I was when that first spell kicked in. So, the quest for ‘that moment’ has continued.

I think my next encounter with the ‘dragon’ will come when I truly accept that the potential in Chaos is truly limitless. I am currently bound by my own perception and understanding of the natural laws that I observe and experience. This, of course, it total garbage, because nothing is true, and everything is permitted. And while this little statement is easy to say, the true scope to which it can be applied is something that is hard to internalize. It is similar to our understanding of infinity. Sure we can say, “It goes on forever, “ but truly grasping that ‘forever’ in our brains is truly quite a challenge.

So, off I go to Chase the Magical Dragon. So much of my magick lately has been Illumination that I need to get back into Astral Projection and Astral Spell Casting, because I believe that’s where my answers may lie.

The magic of self healing…

Lately I have been channeling my energy somewhere other than Chaos. Without going into details, I have had a very interesting life, some of which is outlined in the About section. Other parts of it are completely irrelevant to anything involving this board, so I don’t post it.

With that touch of vague information having been given, I will say that most of my attention has had to be on myself lately. The shadows of our past can reside in our subconscious as well as the intent of our will. These memories and events can shape who we are in ways that are similar to magick in their nature. They are part of our subconscious, and they affect our reality, but unlike magick, we didn’t necessarily have any control over whether or not they were placed there.

These events and experiences rewire our brains in ways that we can consciously realize, but they can also lurk about in the shadows of our minds, and have their own intentions. This part of us that almost feels like our ëother self’ can manifest itself in many ways including emotions, stimulus response, and even moments where we relive the events of our past.

For a healthy future, some of these need to be rooted out, exposed, and faced head-on or they will continue to feed and grow within us until they start influencing us so much that we can lose control over our own lives. Magick can help in this process through the process of illumination, but as with all things that involve the subconscious, it can be very, very ugly work that takes a long time to gain control over.

Don’t feel bad if this doesn’t all make sense, it’s like sitting in a room full of people who only tell inside jokes that they really don’t want you to get. But, it’s the only way I know how to explain what I’ve been up to without being one of those my-whole-life-on-the-internet attention whores that seem to dominate every form of media these days.

Be well, cast often.

Ghosts and wise guys…

Last week I posted about feeling like I was going crazy, and then I posted about how it was confirmed that I was actually feeling something. Well, it turns out that this particular saga did not end with those two posts.

Thursday evening, while sneaking out on a date with my wife, she reluctantly told me that something strange happened the night before. Now, I know none of you know my wife, but when she says something happened, it happened. She has never been very open about her abilities (even with me), and has never given me any reason to doubt her about these things. So when she told me that something happened in that certain reluctant-combined-with-worry tone she gets, I listened very closely.

She said that she was visited in the night by ‘something’. She was already having a hard time sleeping, so she noticed the entity right away. It got really close to her, stared her in the eyes, and implanted a message. She sensed that this was a horribly malevolent being, so she remained still throughout the entire visit. The second visit that night was just the same entity standing in the corner of the room, staring at her for a couple of minutes. The really odd part about the encounter is that it gave her a warning about me, and the direction I’m heading with my magic.

When she told me the exact message, it reminded me of the old mob movies I used to see: “Your husband betta’ pay some protection money soon, it would be a shame if somethin’ terrible happened to his barber shop.“

In all seriousness though, it does bring a few big questions to mind. Why would a malevolent spirit just decide to ‘pop in’ at night and deliver a friendly warning about me? That doesn’t make one damn lick of sense. I consulted the cards about the message that he delivered, and they said that there was major deception involved in it, which is hardly surprising. So then I have to ask myself: Which of my current magic projects could illicit such a response? My mind instantly went to my research into spirit binding.

I’m still in the early stages, and will still be a while developing everything I need to actually complete the process for the first time, but it’s the only thing I can think of that would cause concern to a non-corporeal being. The good news (at least to me) is that I consider the warning a big indicator that I’m on the right track. The bad news is that I’m apparently being watched, and that the element of surprise I was hoping for has been lost. The nice thing about what I’m designing is that I can do it without any surprise needed. I just really like to keep my cards close to the chest until I’m ready to play them.

I don’t plan to change one damn thing that I do because of the warning. I think the ‘warning’ is just additional confirmation that there is too much potential there to leave it alone.

The wonderful Christmas [tarot] cards…

What does a non-Christian do on Christmas Day? This year I ate Chinese food and read tarot cards. And not just any readings, these were readings for my Catholic brother-in-law.

He had never been exposed to the cards, or anything outside of a church for that matter, so this was quite a treat for both of us. It was a fairly tame reading; I let him ask the questions and steer the nature of the topics we explored. They were all fairly mundane and involved the usual questions about career, money, and love. That is, until my beautiful wife started yapping about what the cards could really do.

She told him about my previous dream reading that I did for her, and he wanted the same thing. And, in a similar manner to what my wife did, he refused to divulge any information to me whatsoever. The entire question was, “What was the meaning of the dream that I had last night? “ Well, shit. It’s nice to have a little bit of context in what you’re doing, as it makes it a hell of a lot easier to sift through all the possible meanings and come up with something concrete and relevant. But, just like my previous one, I had nothing at all to go on. I warned him that these kinds of readings can take me a while, so he sat patiently while I mulled over the cards and tried to come up with a stream of meaning in the seemingly random collection of cards that were laid out before me.

I finally gave him my interpretation of the cards and his eyes got wide, and he announced that I nailed it, and what I said made perfect sense; almost too much sense. But, I was left with a problem: unlike my wife, he wouldn’t divulge the dream. Apparently it was something very personal to him, and he didn’t want me to know what it was about in any way. And, unlike my wife’s reading, I was presented with meaning instead of content, so I still don’t have a good idea what the damn thing was about.

It’s not like his dream is any of my business, but finding out what it is helps me find out if there was any information that I missed or discarded as irrelevant that should have been included. There was one piece I left out of my wife’s reading (because it seemed to be just too bizarre to be correct) that turned out to be spot on, but I would not have learned that lesson without her divulging the information.

So, it was a good session. I got to open his eyes to a totally different world of possibilities, and he came away with information that he was desirous of and found very valuable. I would have preferred that additional chance to learn and grow after my mind-meltingly difficult dream reading, but it was worth doing just to show him that there are forces available to us that are well beyond what you can learn at church.

IO Chaos!

Sorry, you’re just wrong.

Stop writing shit like you ‘get it’. Don’t know what I’m talking about? Check this shit out:

“[Chaos Magic] is beginning to crystallize into one more specific way of creating magic spells. “ – How to Do Chaos Magic | eHow.com

Wrong. Sorry, you’re just totally and inexcusably wrong. If you read even just a few pages of literature on Chaos Magic, you’ll realize how entirely asinine that statement is. I did laugh at the part about how to “do “ Chaos Magic. Again, read some shit, and there are no rules. It’s the same reason that sigils are often presented as the whole of chaos magic. They are a cool and useful concept, but they are not required in any way within Chaos. In fact, I have found they are only useful for very specific applications, and even that may vary for another caster.

I guess it just irks me that anyone would present Chaos as a ëspecific way’ of doing anything. The whole point is that it’s not a specific way.

Perhaps it’s good that bad information like this exists. Anyone who would search eHow for how to do magic(k) is a danger to themselves and should be kept away from the truth.