Shamanic evocation fails…

Although I have a good relationship with my servitors, Lazarus and Socrates, I had no idea what they looked like. I built the fetishes that give me the physical link to them, but that doesn’t mean that it is the form they have taken in the spiritual/astral realm. I meditated last night with the intention of completing my ‘Conjuration Six – Shamanic Evocation’ by attempting to meet each of my servitors in the non-physical realm. My wife hasn’t felt the presence of Socrates for a while now, mostly because I have him out on information collection missions pretty much at all times, so I figured I would only meet Lazarus if I was successful.

I started my meditation, and my physical detachment and visualization techniques, which made me slip into my dual awareness very quickly. As a part of my technique I use a progressive mental detachment that ends in complete dual awareness and lets my astral self take control of the situation. As I progressed, I felt myself changing, and by the time the technique was finished, I was the same animal that my guide was. My senses were heightened and I could feel the strength in my body.

I smelled something. Something far off. A scent that was familiar to me, and yet I did not know it at all, as I had never experienced senses like this before. I decided to follow the scent in hopes that it would take me to Lazarus. After some travel within the void, with the smell I was tracking a good ways off, my spirit guide walked in from the side and stopped directly in front of my path with a posture that felt like ‘none shall pass’. As I approached him I instinctively went into some sort of submission routine with my guide, which was probably a really good thing after the posture he had towards me the first time I met him. It felt like a master and student relationship.

I asked him what he was doing here, as it was not my intention to bother him. He responded in his deep, powerful voice:

Walk with me.

You have been doing well since the last time we met, as you have learned to protect your child and mate much better.

In the wild, some of the most dangerous encounters a family can have come not from outside influences, but from the male. Of course we are not the physical of our kind, merely the spirit of their energy and way of life, but that danger is still there.

One day you will not need your creations. Your owl friend is a great ally to have for now, but one day you will not require his services and will need to set him free. Your other creation…

Your other creation is fine…for now.

I know you came here to meet him, but you are not ready. He is a shifter, and they can be dangerous. They have no true form, no balance with any of the forces that drive the universe, which makes them unpredictable. He will become…

We will deal with that when the time arises. And always remember to treat your enemies according to your true nature.

You should go now and reflect on what you have learned both in life and through your meditations. There is more to be learned from them than what lies on the surface.

I never asked more than that one question, as I knew he would give me the information I needed. I felt like the question was unnecessary, but tolerated due to my lack of experience. I think I will adopt the ëdo not speak unless asked a question’ policy on our next visit.

There were many short and long pauses in what he said, but there is no good way to express them in text. Many of the pauses seemed to be a part of the meaning. Subtile difference in his posture were also a part of the message that are hard to describe. When he dismissed me I thanked him and returned the way I came, gradually coming out of my meditation and bringing that peaceful feeling and relaxation up with me into the physical world.

I never did meet Lazarus, but I could tell that my guide really did not think it was the right thing to do, so I respected his wishes and wisdom. I will not try and meet Lazarus again until I am told that I am ready to see him.

Based on body language and inference, I could tell that he didn’t like Lazarus, or the way he handled the situation with my wife’s ex-boss. I’m starting to find out that he doesn’t follow orders as well (if at all) when it’s a beneficial act, but he has been overdoing the ones involving red and black magick. I learned a lot from making him, but earlier posts will tell you that I did not make him perfectly. I was also in a very bad place mentally, which affects his nature because that was part of what created him.

It’s a learning process every day if you spend the time to look for ways to grow and continue your journey. Chaos has led me into so many spiritual beliefs that I have nowhere near the same outlook on anything anymore. With these acceptances, and the original reason I got into magick out of my hands, I have few desires of what to change or influence in my life. All I seem to crave now is more insight into the true nature of things. Chaos can involve or not involve any belief system you want, even Chaos. Life, death, everything come from Chaos. Everyone is part of it, only whether or not they are practicing the art of Chaos is the question.

As you can see, I have plenty to meditate and reflect on for a while.

I met my spirit guide…finally…

I know it has been a while since I posted anything that directly relates to my Liber KKK training. The reason is that the Shamanistic portion has been something of a problem for me to work on in my new house. My private space has now been setup to be shared; and while that’s a good thing within the family, it makes it difficult for working magick through meditation, especially while one is still learning to get really good at the process.

The good news is, we have a new understanding about the shared space. My wife and I have both agreed that we each need totally private time every now and then, so we just make it clear and the other does not interrupt unless there is a crisis or the door opens. This has really helped me focus on the Shamanistic portion of the Liber KKK, and has led me to truly feel complete on the invocation part of it.

After much searching, I have finally met my spirit guide. It’s not a servitor that I have created, but an actual spirit, or god-form, that is not of my making. This is awesome to find because it allows me to get information, wisdom, and guidance from something that isn’t tainted by my own opinions and beliefs. Socrates almost fits the bill for this one, but I have him out on so many information gathering errands that I don’t want to interrupt what he’s so good at.

The Shamanic Evocation, as you can tell by many of my other posts, is well-practiced in my relationships with Lazarus and Socrates. That leaves me with a bit more practice on the Divination and Enchantment portions, and then the final piece will be the illumination; the ëvision quest’ as it is traditionally called.

I’m not sure exactly how I will approach the illumination, but I’ll cross that bridge when I feel comfortable with starting that final piece of the Shamanism section. I also see it as the most important part, and is the portion that I feel will be best for me to carry into the Ritual section of the training.

I know my progress looks slow, but I don’t want to be incomplete about my training. If I’ve learned one thing so far, it’s that the more I work on magick, the less I know about everything as a whole, and even my own perception about reality. Cautioned, careful, and complete learning is the key for me, and I won’t consider myself truly finished until I’m comfortable that I can practice and continue to learn in a safe and educated way.

New year, new spells, new people…

Over the weekend, a piece of jewelry came into my possession. It’s a little necklace with a pentacle hanging from it. It is too small for my rather beefy neck, and I don’t think a guy my size would look good in a makeshift choker. Yes, it’s crap jewelry, but I like it anyway.

Last night I decided to bind the object to me. It was my usual sort of deal for the binding: Meditation, fetishes, whiskey, bleeding, and incense. There was only one thing out of the ordinary, and I think it was a sign that I was really in the right state of mind from the meditation. For the first time, I had absolutely no pain when bleeding myself. I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned it before, but my Athame is about as dull as you can get. I never remember to sharpen it unless I’m about ready to make a cut, which is not the time to pull out the whetstone.

In the past I’ve had to work for several minutes to get the blade deep enough to draw blood, but not this time. I just pushed the tip in, flattened out the blade, and kept applying gentle pressure until it was deep enough to get the job done. There was no pain at all, even though I could still feel every sensation. It was awesome.

While I was having quality time in my sacred space, my wife and brother-in-law were out in the dining room. This was only my bother-in-law’s second set of readings from the cards, and it was my wife’s first time doing them for someone else. After I was done with my binding, I snuck out to the kitchen and listened in on what they were doing. She was doing a very credible job of interpreting the cards, and he was sucking the information up like candy.

It was quite a cool way to start out a new year, and everyone had a good time. My wife seems to be growing in her curiosity about what I do, but I’m still keeping her in the dark about how I do it. I’ll be general with anyone, but the specifics need to be figured out by, and tailored to, each individual. It’s not because everything is a big damn secret, it’s because everyone has to do things differently if they want it to work.

I hope this year will be great for everyone. I plan on finishing the last part of my Liber KKK training, and then it’s off into the completely delusional life of chaos. May you all find what you’re looking for too.

It’s a good thing I don’t believe in karma…

I’m a very gentile person. I don’t generally like to harm animals unless they are going to be my dinner, and I don’t intentionally hurt others without good cause. While I understand that “good cause “ is something that we all must decide for ourselves, I generally set the bar very high for myself. That being said, I’m going to start the process of making someone’s life a little more interesting than it used to be.

I understand that capitalism is a dog-eat-dog concept. I’ve lived in it my entire life, and I’ve come to enjoy the game of competition amongst those who would try and outdo me in the workplace. The problem I’m facing now is a bias against one of my department colleagues, and it is effecting the perception of our entire group within the company. The enemy has lied and manipulated the situation, so that means I don’t have to fight fair either. While my goal is not to utterly destroy my opponent, it is my intention to expose him for the slime-ball that he is, and have company-wide opinion of him reflect what he really is.

The trick is, I need to formulate a plan to go about making all of this happen with all of the Sorcery and Shamanism tools at my disposal. I figure I just need to conjure up something really annoying that is going to keep him distracted. Why? Because it’s hard as hell to maintain a really good stack of lies. It’s usually like a house of cards; remove one, and the rest come falling down. I think I may need to create a new fetish. Some sort of small, quick animal that I can send out with a bit of Shamanistic Evocation to gremlin a few things for me.
Don’t worry, I’m not going to try and smite the guy or anything…at least not yet. I enjoy watching people go into a tailspin when it’s all because of the lies that they have sown. And, if it doesn’t work, I’ll be an Exec. VP in 5 – 7, and I’ll just embarrass him in front of the BoD. I’ll win either way…trust me.

Reflections on sorcery…

Now that I have completed the Sorcery section of my training and am preparing myself to move on towards Shamanism, I figured it would be a good time to reflect on the Sorcery experience as a whole.

I can understand why Carroll wanted beginners to start with Sorcery.  It’s a very mechanical, physical approach to magick.  Since we are all so bound to the physical, it gives the beginner a great place to start, and something tangible to work with.  That tangibility helps to connect us with our intent the way we are most connected to our reality.

The only complaint I have about the Sorcery part of the training, is the part that makes it so great for beginners:  the tangibility.  The problem I find with it being so tangible, is that others can see what you’re doing as well.  Curious fingers can get in and stir around in your workings.  While there may not be any malice involved, just pure curiosity, there is something immediately sacred about the objects that are constructed.  At least in my experience, when someone messes with a fetish or enchantment it feels like they are far too deep inside your personal space.

Don’t get me wrong, I understand that anything physical has that potential, it was just a bit of an abrupt wakeup the first time I walked into the kitchen and someone was handling Socrates.  Part of that stems from knowing that people have no idea what they’re touching, and I really don’t want to be the one that has to explain it to them.

Luckily, my new home will have a lot more private place for me to display my creations while keeping them out of harm’s way.  Good thing I’m almost done with the renovations.  Only two weeks until we move!

To share, or not to share…

As as Liber KKK instructs, I am keeping records of what I do in my training.  One part of that record is this blog, and another part is the grimoire that I’m currently building.  The grimoire is where I am recording all of the successful techniques that I am developing, and any other pertinent information that I glean along the way.  The question that I am facing is this:  When I am done with my training, should I share this information with others?

The part of me that says ëno’ to the idea thinks that I should keep my magickal workings secret for a couple of reasons.  The first is, if people don’t know what I’m doing, it makes it harder for them to counter my efforts.  The other, louder part of me says that I shouldn’t confuse people with my workings, because they could hinder them on their own path.  As far as countering my magick goes, it is a matter of countering my will, not countering my conjuration processes.  So, that argument is easily discounted.  The second argument I have with myself is not quite so easy to brush away.

Being no exception myself, people are inherently lazy.  If they can read something that gives them instructions, they will gladly follow it rather than learning for themselves.  I’m not saying this is a bad trait, it’s just the way it is.  If I’m going to change the brakes on my car, it’s a lot easier to look up how to do it than it is to figure it out as I go.  The problem is that magick is about the journey, and less about the end result.  Even if people are focused on the result, the journey is what will let you achieve your goal.  If I put out information on the specifics of how I work my conjurations, I’m afraid that others will just mimic them rather than searching for practices that are meaningful and powerful to them.  I do things differently than most other people do, but because I have made that customized set of practices, even my early results are very powerful.

What I want for others is for them to find their own path of practice, and not simply copy what anyone else has done.  Luckily, it will be a while before my grimoire is completed, so I can ponder the answer until I’m truly comfortable with the decision I make.

Meditation, visions, auras, and whiskey…

On the mundane front, it was quite a weekend.  Any time you work on an old house, never expect things to go as planned.  There are terrible things that can lurk behind 91 year old walls, and they all need to be fixed if they are to see the light of day again.

On the more esoteric side of things the weekend was also quite busy.  The most notable of these happenings was last night while I was wrapping up from my weekend.  I decided that I should do a little bit of meditation to help me unwind from so much work over the weekend, and to help me mentally shift gears back into my normal work mindset.  As I was a bit sore from the physicality of what I had been doing for three days, I decided that a bit of whiskey would hit the spot to help relax the muscles.

With all that in mind, I decided that I would use the whiskey as part of a small conjuration to promote healing and relaxation.  I filled my shot glass, lit my incense, fired up a candle, set my binaural beat, and off I went into meditation land.  Lately I have been starting my meditations with my eyes open, and I just let them naturally close as the relaxation hits them.  I have also been incorporating some visualization techniques to help me to focus my mind when it is darting in uncontrollable directions.

As I started to settle into my zone, as usual, my vision started to change.  It used to take a mind-aching act of will for me to see auras, but with the addition of Horus (my eagle fetish) I can see them much easier, and sometimes unintentionally.  In my limited experience, most inanimate objects have auras that range from white to black.  Plants, people, animals and other living things are the only ones that I have experienced that have any kind of colored aura.  Well, the exception to that comes from rocks and crystals.  I have no idea what is up with those things.  I have seen rocks and crystals that have nothing more than a simple white/grey/black aura, very thin, and I have see samples of the same kind of rock/crystal that have a distinct, stable color.  But, we’ll save that discussion for another day.

The first interesting part of last night came when I noticed that my candle had color in its aura.  It was still the usual, thin aura it normally has, but this time it had a distinctive green color in it.  As the eyes-open part of my meditation went forward, I thought I saw a swirl of red move across the face of the candle, but it was only fleeting and never returned.  The green was still there and very apparent.

The big deal isn’t so much that it was there, but why it was there.  There are a couple of explanations that I can think of right off the top of my head.  The first being that it has always been there, and the additional gift of vision provided to me by my fetish is letting me see things easier and more clearly.  The second explanation that I can come up with quickly is that the candle has been a part of so many conjurations and meditations that it has absorbed some of the energy.  If this second option is the case, what does that mean?  Does that mean that the candle is unintentionally enchanted?  Does it hold some sort of power that I don’t understand like certain crystals/rocks do?  At this point, I don’t know enough to answer any of those questions, let alone why it now has a colored aura.  Perhaps I need to have my fetishes and other items join me in my next round of meditation and see what they look like when my vision changes.  I think that will help me move towards an answer.

Somehow, that didn’t interrupt my meditation.  I quickly slipped further into my meditation.  My eyes slowly closed, and I started my visualization techniques to help corral my thoughts as I got into the deep, dark recesses of my own mind.  Part of my visualization technique is I go into my sacred place to relax and meditate within my meditation.  It may sound bizarre, but the technique works very well for me.  It is a much different technique than I used to use, but the old technique led me to astral projection more than true meditation, so it was been reserved for that specific purpose.  My current technique gets me into a very still state of mind, even if my thoughts are not entirely stopped.  It seems to take so much mental energy to create this multi-layered state that all I’m left with is a single voice with no background noise.  If that voice stops talking, there is nothing but silence.  These glimpses into the absence of thought are powerful.  They make the visualizations that you receive seem more powerful and realistic.  When you still the mind, all you can do is watch what’s happening, without judgement or consideration of any kind.  It just is.

During my meditation last night I did a tarot reading.  It may sound odd, but it’s a great way to receive communication from your subconscious.  You need to plan for it ahead of time, and it needs to happen when you are devoid of thought.  Yes, this is a part of the Conjuration Seven  – Shamanic Divination from the Liber KKK, and last night was kind of a trial run.  I had no specific question, I just wanted to see if it worked, and what kind of information came out of it.  I have not spent the time to really figure out what the four cards I pulled were trying to tell me, but that will give me something to do this evening.

The whole process may sound a bit convoluted, but it’s all techniques that I have figured out thanks to the help of my fetishes and my meditation enchantment.  I haven’t done a ton of research on the topic, but I haven’t found information on anything like it.  But, it works for me so I’m not going to complain.  The best part is you can also multitask.  The primary intention of the meditation and conjuration was actually to help my whiskey work as a muscle relaxant.  I can’t take any aspirin derivatives, Tylenol doesn’t do anything for me, and my work tests constantly for drugs so I couldn’t take any of the old Vicodin I have laying around.  On top of that, I have a medication that doesn’t allow me to drink any large quantities, or even very often.  So, one shot had to do it, and after all of that it really hit the spot.

It was a lot to have happen in a single evening session, but I think it’s a sign that all is going well.  After about six weeks in my training, I would expect things to be happening more than they did in the beginning.  It’s all just a part of the experience of learning and doing.