I haven’t stopped my magic…

I know it’s been quite a while since I’ve posted on here, some of that due to medication shifts, and the other part due to people sticking to me like damned flies because there is “something wrong with me “. If that shit isn’t annoying, I have no idea what is.

My Dr. listed off a bunch of crap that’s wrong with me and made a med adjustment. Everything should be stable in a week or two.
On to magic. I have been spending the last few days building the most awesome magical focus I have ever done. I’m not going to make it something like a a servitor just because I think the damned thing would come out entirely uncontrollable.

What I’m making is the collaboration of all the work in Chaos I have done to this point. We all know that items can be created to augment, or enhance, our ability to cast spells. A servitor is nothing more than an example of this with a personality and a free-will based around the parameters and restriction locked into it upon creation. The problem with a servitor, is with all the variables involved in making one, the damned thing can do things you don’t want them to, and they are much harder to get rid of than they are to create.

So the idea of this focus is the mother-load of the darkest energy I have ever been able to pull out of my magical resources. It will channel a mother-load of the dark stuff right through it whenever a spell is cast. There are a few things that have gone into the building of it that are really interesting, and perhaps even unexpected to the readers of this blog. Does anyone remember my servitor Lazarus? The thing I failed to mention is that I saved his body. “Why would I do such a thing?! “, my wife asked. And the answer is very simple. Lazarus had a profound effect on the physical world, even thought he was one of earlier creations. Something about the way he was made, the way he was given life, and the way he synched with my personality, made him a small, but powerful ally. I’m not going to revive him from the ether, but I will try to use the same spirit of direct, measurable, physical control in what I do with this new focus.

The focus itself is very morbid, but it needs a few things before the ritual that will give it power. The variables need to be considered and restricted within the binding seal, the right ritual needs to be designed, and the will be a lot of blood. The restrictive seal cannot be done in blood his time. It needs to be something that cannot be removed in any way to keep this thing contained.

The only piece of the puzzle is to create it as a focus, or give it a form. Lazarus first started as a fetish, and was later converted into a servitor. That’s probably best with this thing, if it turns out as powerful as it as designed to be.

I know i’m not getting a real human skull for this one, but a man can always dream.

I’ll keep everyone posted as to the progress on the mother-of-all dark foci.


My servitors return…

I sent two of my servitors (Lazarus and Socrates) on an information gathering quest about a week ago without telling anyone. Last night, my wife said to me, “Your little buddy has been gone for a bit, but he’s back and he brought something with him. “ Jackpot. One of the things I did when I sent Socrates out was to have Lazarus go with him as a guardian, and I also gave him permission to feed as he felt necessary. Both of them returning at the same time means that the pair stayed together, which is great as one of my goals is to get them used to working as a team, one as the doer, the other as the messenger.

As I have found in all things, if you ask a question, or seek knowledge, the answer may not always be what you were expecting or wanted to hear. This was the case with the information that they brought back for me. It completely flipped the direction of my research on a huge magickal project that I have been working on, because they informed me of variables and consequences that I had not thought of before. They were things that could have proven totally disastrous.

The good news is that they also retrieved the information on the new direction that I should take. It all boils down to making something comfortable and feel secure to get it contained rather than forcing to do what I want. Apparently well designed coercion works better than an iron fist in life and in magick too. I think it will be the first orange magick I will have performed since I started. It may end up being Orange with a touch of Black (just because of the nature of the spell) disguised as a green spell. Yeah, I’ve got a whole ton of work to do, but nobody ever said that real magick was easy.

Chasing the Magical Dragon…

The term ‘chasing the dragon’ has been used as slang for a specific type of opium use, but it has also been used to refer to the pursuit of an ultimate high. Many drug users in fact have problems with usage because they are chasing the feeling they had the very first time they used it.

This analogy can be applied to many things in our lives, including magick. As I have been getting back into the practice lately, as my person issues are starting to stabilize and more time can be spent elsewhere, I find myself ëchasing the magical dragon’ in a way. I still remember that very first moment of wonder as I realized that something I had done actually had an effect on things. That feeling of wonder and amazement, the thoughts of limitless possibilities, and the feeling of empowerment to know something that very few people will admit exists, was one of the most profound moments in my life.

Those paradigm shifting experiences happen infrequently, and some people have few (if any) in an entire lifetime. So I’ve been tweaking and massaging the way I do my magic to try to get another one of those moments. My spells are becoming more complex, my results more measurable and predictable, and everything is more powerful overall. But I’m still working on the same paradigm I was when that first spell kicked in. So, the quest for ‘that moment’ has continued.

I think my next encounter with the ‘dragon’ will come when I truly accept that the potential in Chaos is truly limitless. I am currently bound by my own perception and understanding of the natural laws that I observe and experience. This, of course, it total garbage, because nothing is true, and everything is permitted. And while this little statement is easy to say, the true scope to which it can be applied is something that is hard to internalize. It is similar to our understanding of infinity. Sure we can say, “It goes on forever, “ but truly grasping that ‘forever’ in our brains is truly quite a challenge.

So, off I go to Chase the Magical Dragon. So much of my magick lately has been Illumination that I need to get back into Astral Projection and Astral Spell Casting, because I believe that’s where my answers may lie.

The magic of self healing…

Lately I have been channeling my energy somewhere other than Chaos. Without going into details, I have had a very interesting life, some of which is outlined in the About section. Other parts of it are completely irrelevant to anything involving this board, so I don’t post it.

With that touch of vague information having been given, I will say that most of my attention has had to be on myself lately. The shadows of our past can reside in our subconscious as well as the intent of our will. These memories and events can shape who we are in ways that are similar to magick in their nature. They are part of our subconscious, and they affect our reality, but unlike magick, we didn’t necessarily have any control over whether or not they were placed there.

These events and experiences rewire our brains in ways that we can consciously realize, but they can also lurk about in the shadows of our minds, and have their own intentions. This part of us that almost feels like our ëother self’ can manifest itself in many ways including emotions, stimulus response, and even moments where we relive the events of our past.

For a healthy future, some of these need to be rooted out, exposed, and faced head-on or they will continue to feed and grow within us until they start influencing us so much that we can lose control over our own lives. Magick can help in this process through the process of illumination, but as with all things that involve the subconscious, it can be very, very ugly work that takes a long time to gain control over.

Don’t feel bad if this doesn’t all make sense, it’s like sitting in a room full of people who only tell inside jokes that they really don’t want you to get. But, it’s the only way I know how to explain what I’ve been up to without being one of those my-whole-life-on-the-internet attention whores that seem to dominate every form of media these days.

Be well, cast often.

Sorry, you’re just wrong.

Stop writing shit like you ‘get it’. Don’t know what I’m talking about? Check this shit out:

“[Chaos Magic] is beginning to crystallize into one more specific way of creating magic spells. “ – How to Do Chaos Magic | eHow.com

Wrong. Sorry, you’re just totally and inexcusably wrong. If you read even just a few pages of literature on Chaos Magic, you’ll realize how entirely asinine that statement is. I did laugh at the part about how to “do “ Chaos Magic. Again, read some shit, and there are no rules. It’s the same reason that sigils are often presented as the whole of chaos magic. They are a cool and useful concept, but they are not required in any way within Chaos. In fact, I have found they are only useful for very specific applications, and even that may vary for another caster.

I guess it just irks me that anyone would present Chaos as a ëspecific way’ of doing anything. The whole point is that it’s not a specific way.

Perhaps it’s good that bad information like this exists. Anyone who would search eHow for how to do magic(k) is a danger to themselves and should be kept away from the truth.

Reflections on sorcery…

Now that I have completed the Sorcery section of my training and am preparing myself to move on towards Shamanism, I figured it would be a good time to reflect on the Sorcery experience as a whole.

I can understand why Carroll wanted beginners to start with Sorcery.  It’s a very mechanical, physical approach to magick.  Since we are all so bound to the physical, it gives the beginner a great place to start, and something tangible to work with.  That tangibility helps to connect us with our intent the way we are most connected to our reality.

The only complaint I have about the Sorcery part of the training, is the part that makes it so great for beginners:  the tangibility.  The problem I find with it being so tangible, is that others can see what you’re doing as well.  Curious fingers can get in and stir around in your workings.  While there may not be any malice involved, just pure curiosity, there is something immediately sacred about the objects that are constructed.  At least in my experience, when someone messes with a fetish or enchantment it feels like they are far too deep inside your personal space.

Don’t get me wrong, I understand that anything physical has that potential, it was just a bit of an abrupt wakeup the first time I walked into the kitchen and someone was handling Socrates.  Part of that stems from knowing that people have no idea what they’re touching, and I really don’t want to be the one that has to explain it to them.

Luckily, my new home will have a lot more private place for me to display my creations while keeping them out of harm’s way.  Good thing I’m almost done with the renovations.  Only two weeks until we move!

To share, or not to share…

As as Liber KKK instructs, I am keeping records of what I do in my training.  One part of that record is this blog, and another part is the grimoire that I’m currently building.  The grimoire is where I am recording all of the successful techniques that I am developing, and any other pertinent information that I glean along the way.  The question that I am facing is this:  When I am done with my training, should I share this information with others?

The part of me that says ëno’ to the idea thinks that I should keep my magickal workings secret for a couple of reasons.  The first is, if people don’t know what I’m doing, it makes it harder for them to counter my efforts.  The other, louder part of me says that I shouldn’t confuse people with my workings, because they could hinder them on their own path.  As far as countering my magick goes, it is a matter of countering my will, not countering my conjuration processes.  So, that argument is easily discounted.  The second argument I have with myself is not quite so easy to brush away.

Being no exception myself, people are inherently lazy.  If they can read something that gives them instructions, they will gladly follow it rather than learning for themselves.  I’m not saying this is a bad trait, it’s just the way it is.  If I’m going to change the brakes on my car, it’s a lot easier to look up how to do it than it is to figure it out as I go.  The problem is that magick is about the journey, and less about the end result.  Even if people are focused on the result, the journey is what will let you achieve your goal.  If I put out information on the specifics of how I work my conjurations, I’m afraid that others will just mimic them rather than searching for practices that are meaningful and powerful to them.  I do things differently than most other people do, but because I have made that customized set of practices, even my early results are very powerful.

What I want for others is for them to find their own path of practice, and not simply copy what anyone else has done.  Luckily, it will be a while before my grimoire is completed, so I can ponder the answer until I’m truly comfortable with the decision I make.