I wasn’t raised in the occult. I was raised in a fairly normal, church-going, Christian family. There wasn’t much focus on religion outside of church, but our family seemed to hold fairly well to Christian morality and ethics. As I grew up, and the family changed, I became an atheist. Being an atheist I figured out that if I wanted something, I had to make it happen. I learned to set goals, to make a plan, and to work towards what I wanted. While this is a wonderful trait to have in life, it has created some problems with me working with Chaos Magic.
The problem is that I desire very little. Let’s see, what was on my list before?
* Great marriage – check
* Beautiful, intelligent, well-behaved child – check
* Education in a field that I can excel in – check
* Career that I look forward to every day – check
* Clear and realistic path towards early retirement – check
* Lack of money problems – check
* Nice house with a private office – check
* Relaxing, fun-filled quality of life – check
I’m not bragging about how wonderful my life is, I’m just having a hard time finding long-term goals at this point in my life. I’ve worked really hard, and I seem to have moved on from the striving stage to the relax-and-enjoy-your-life stage. The problem this brings about with magic is: if I honestly desire very little, what am I supposed to cast spells to manipulate? I truly enjoy my current reality, and I don’t think it really needs any kind of bump at all. While I know that this primarily has to do with the effort I put into it, I wonder sometimes if all of the opportunity that has presented itself along the way wasn’t the effect of a retroactive intention I had in a different future.
I’m not going to take anything away from the active role I’ve played in my own life, but along the way there have been tons of opportunities that were just a little too coincidental.
For example, I have always been a creative guy. I was told at a young age that if you wanted to starve to death, all you had to do was go to school for something creative (art, music, etc…). So, despite my constant interest in creative arts over the years, I got my degree in a business specialty. It’s about as far from creative as you can get; it’s almost entirely cerebral. I went to work in my degree field, but within just a couple of years I was a creative professional, developing artwork as a full-time gig for the company. It’s not like I could even apply for the job, it never existed. My current position was created entirely for me, and has never existed in this company before now.
I know it’s probably not the best example, but it’s only one of a whole series of highly unlikely events that have taken place over the last ten years. Yes, I had to take the opportunities when they presented themselves, but the opportunities have always come up at just the right moment, and under the most unlikely of circumstances. That’s what makes me wonder if I didn’t nudge things a bit in the future, and those opportunities are what has led me into such a good life in the present.
I just need to find out some additional things to want so I have a reason to work magic. I think I may have to stick with esoteric topics for my spells, as my physical reality is just exactly what I desire at this time.