Healing, harming, and war…

Points along the meridians.Illness in its many forms is a horrible thing.  It is usually hard on not only the one suffering from it, but also on those around them as they watch a person they love in distress.  One of the disheartening parts is when nobody knows what is wrong.  The symptoms may be there, but the underlying cause remains a mystery sometimes, which can kill hope as the light at the end of the tunnel seems to grow dim.

My wife recently had horrible pain, swelling, and a collection of other problems show up suddenly in her lower extremities.  As it progressed we were trying to find an explanation as to the root of the problem.  A lot of the problems were associated with a potential blood clot, so it became a very concerning situation.  To keep this part of the story short (which I rarely do) we finally narrowed it down to a rare side-effect of a medication she was taking.  We eliminated the drug, and about 70% of the pain left in just a single night.

The problem that remained was that she already has liver and immune issues, and her body was just left thrashed over the whole ordeal.  This left her quite weak and semi-ill even after the medication had worn off.  Being a fan of many eastern traditions, I have learned a bit about healing.  These traditions work well with what I have also learned in my own practices, and seem to compliment each other harmoniously.  So, combine a bit of the east, some chakra work, and a touch of the chaos, and you have the makings of successful healing sets.  We did it both for pain management before we found the culprit drug, and afterward to get her system smacked back into shape.

This whole little backstory does eventually come to a point.  First, over the last year I have worked on healing quite a bit.  I’ve come a long way with it, and have now had quite a bit of success.  That’s a long way from where I started, which was a complete lack of understanding about healing, and no idea which direction to head for learning.  Second, it rolls back to the baddie that has been lurking about for a long time now.  If you need to catch up, the last two posts (1, 2) cover a lot of it quite well, with a smattering of things sprinkled throughout some of my past posts just for seasoning.

The short version of the whole thing is this:  A bad creeper has been trying to mess with my wife for a long time.  He’s a remnant of some sort from her sister’s old boyfriend, who was a theistic Satanist.  He is the reason I went from studying magic and the occult to actually practicing.  Since both my wife and I have become more ‘in tune’ with things, he has resorted more to manipulating things from a distance rather than direct intervention.

I think that’s enough about enough about him for now.  I leave the vast storyline involving this entity off of here because it’s just unbelievable, even to those of us who are living in the reality of it.

Moving on:  So, C met this guy last year who had some of the same interests as her, and decided to hang out with him a bit.  We’ve never had a problem with either of us having opposite-sex friends.  We know where our love is.  But, something different happened with this guy.  She noticed there was an abnormal attachment to him.  If you look at my post about love, you’ll see that C  doesn’t feel things quite the way that most other people do.  So this kind of attachment felt entirely foreign to her.  For some odd reason, she was having a ‘normal boyfriend/girlfriend’ kind of connection with him, even though she had never experienced one before in her life.  Without the story getting too long, our little friend (who has become known as ‘The Dark Man’ due to the mixing of divinatory sources) made this connection with this guy when she was vulnerable after the death that crushed her last summer.  This actually happened with two people, but only one of them matters for this story.

We figured out that there was this artificial connection, broke it, and moved on.  C still communicated with him over text (and still does), because he wasn’t a bad guy, he just had a bit of help being overly attached to her.  Even though she broke the attachment, he never did, so that made her have to set some boundaries, but it didn’t mean they couldn’t continue to communicate.  Once in a while he would pop up with some grand idea about the two of them running away together to live in some random place doing a random thing for work (I think crocodile hunting was one of them), but C always politely declines, reminds him that she’s married, has a kid, and isn’t interested.  His most recent push caused a major problem though.

People have a hard time accepting the fact that C is fairly gender-neutral, and our marriage involves very little sexuality.  Our relationship is built on being intellectually challenging to each other, enjoying the quirks and nuances that we each bring into things, and wanting to spend the rest of our lives together as best friends.  We only got married due to familial pressures, tax benefits, and work benefits.  It didn’t change our relationship at all.  Little N was a planned baby, not the result of chance or too much nookie flying about.  But…C does love to tease.  Because of this she has tons of fun online, but people have a hard time interpreting the meaning behind it.  Some interpret it as ‘she’s into me’, others assume she’s a catfish, or they thing she is somewhere between bisexual and lesbian.  The real interpretation is that she doesn’t mind showing who she is, especially if she thinks it might ruffle your feathers.  With the way her brain works it’s nothing more than that at all, but people have a funny way of getting too serious about things online.

This interpretation of her sexuality led the guy she had been talking/texting with to assume that she was bisexual.  So, as a new plan to win her over, he proposed a third person (female) be introduced into things.  He told this new girl (who was apparently very ‘into’ him) that she couldn’t be with him unless she could convince C to come into the relationship as well.  C and I laughed about it as it unfolded, knowing that the reality of it would never come true, and how far his perception of what she actually wanted in life was from reality.  C and this new girl sent texts and got along fairly well, but (even if C was actually interested in things) there were no sparks.  The only thing that C could see going on was this gal getting more desperate as it progressed.

Fast-forward a couple of weeks, and moods are getting ugly around the house.  C and I don’t have a traditional relationship, so we don’t tend to be faced with the same problems that many couples are.  We don’t bicker, we don’t fight, we don’t let the petty shit of daily life get in our way of enjoying our time together.  Yet, there we were, in an abnormal situation where we were both pissy, Little N was acting like a butthead (usually she’s the easiest kid on the planet), and something just felt wrong.  C was born with a fully developed ability to sense things that I have only scratched the surface of.  This has allowed us to test each other in interesting ways that has guided both of us in our spiritual development.  Needless to say, she was the first to notice that there was something going on that was just more than moods and personalities.

All I ever got was a stuffy, oppressive feeling, but she identified that it was something affecting us that she couldn’t quite put her finger on.  It didn’t feel like an entity to her, it just felt like our house was filled with negative energy that was messing with all of us.  I consulted the tarot, and the answer it gave didn’t make sense to me.  The answer boiled down to this:

Someone you know has betrayed you with magic to destroy your love, and ‘The Dark Man’ has made it stronger.

I stay out of her wacky conversations and friendships with others, so I’m almost never privy to the details of what goes on.  I’ve done some blind readings (meaning that I’m totally clueless) about some of her friends and dug up things about them that they wouldn’t even admit to for many months.  It’s a skill I’ve gotten quite good at over the years.  But this reading wasn’t about one of her friends, it was a question about what the hell was happening around the house.

When I told her what the reading said and she instantly scowled and said a few choice words about the gal she had been talking to in the love-triangle situation.  It turns out she is a Wiccan.  So, a simple love spell was probably what was cast.  C is too different to be effected by a traditional little thing like that (see the love post).  The beauty of the whole thing is that ‘The Dark Man’ has had an agenda with the guy and C for a while now, and we keep kicking it out from under his feet.  All of a sudden this ‘we should be together’ magic gets sent out and gets in the hands of the bad guy.  He figured out the last time he tried to create love connections with C that she doesn’t work like that, so the best way to achieve his agenda is to first split up C and me.  So this fairly innocuous spell gets turned into a giant pile of darkness that settles over the whole family to try to tear us apart.

Once we figured all of this out, the problem was still there, but now we had a bit more information to work with.  Since this was obviously something that we hadn’t dealt with before, I prepared for war.

I was already familiar with many of the Wiccan casting traditions, so I didn’t have to do much reverse engineering how such a thing would have been built at its source.  The big problem was how to counter the force that our little buddy had put behind it.  Understanding ‘how’ people cast their spells is the greatest defense against them.  That’s one of the reasons I discuss mechanics very little on this blog.  First, my casting is typically for very personal reasons, so the methods are sometimes very personal too.  Second, I don’t think anyone can be told how to do quality magic, it’s just something they have to develop on their own.  Which brings be to my final point of keeping things secret for your own protection.  Too much info about practices can lead to vulnerabilities appearing, and it’s also a good reason to never cast the same way twice.  Do I use sigils?  Yup.  Every time?  Nope.  When I do use them, do I construct them using the same methods every time?  Nope.  Do I use reagents every time?  Nope.  When I do, are they the same ones?  Nope.  Do I always do ritual magic?  Nope.  When I do ritual magic do I have a set form that I use?  Nope.  Every spell, every intention, and every casting has to be customized to the need and mood of that moment.

This casting too was customized to the need. Since I didn’t know exactly what the need was, I went in with every trick I knew, and made up a few that I hadn’t used before.  I knew the things that I needed to address:

  • I had to learn exactly what it was that was causing problems.
  • I had to deconstruct the way it was cast to gain control over the origin.
  • I had to use that control to get rid of whatever it was.
  • I had to make a big enough showing to make our ‘Dark Man’ think twice before pulling crap like that again.
  • I had to appeal to the same authority that it was cast through to correct the wrongdoing that had been set upon our family.

Simple, right?  Yeah…not so much.

After a full day of planning, waiting for paint to dry (not a euphemism), studying the exacts of some Wiccan traditions, and other preparations, I had myself ready to go for the following evening.  One of the few rules I have is that none of this stuff can go down while Little N is awake.  Hopefully she never has to deal with this kind of nonsense.

The full process was huge.  I’m not sure how long it took me, but the entire thing probably lasted for over an hour.  I knew that I would need astral and physical work for this one, and that much going on simply takes a while.  Just getting into the astral can take a long time (or even not happen) if the mind/soul connection doesn’t want to cooperate that day.  After an unknown amount of mental prep work and slowly deepening meditation, I finally entered the astral.  Holy shit.  I had never seen anything like it.

In my experiences in the astral I have encountered a few places with terrain as we could traditionally consider it, but I find that most of what I am looking for (conversations with unbound entities) happens in the dark places; those places that aren’t designed for me to enter.  Many of these places exist in layers, with scenery and representations of the physical, designed to distract from the true nature of the astral.  There are various techniques to do it, but eventually these layers need to be stripped back to enter the ‘home turf’ of most entities and to be able to interact with them without illusion.  Without stripping away the illusion, a person can get in a lot of trouble out there.

1441175_19243069The…thing…that I saw was awe-inspiring and terrifying at the same time.  It was not an entity, it was the embodiment of an intention, and made of pure willpower.  The spark had started from the original spell, and had become twisted and strengthened into a behemoth.  It laid in the sky like a storm, stretching as far as the eye could see, and crushing everything underneath it with a shadow of oppression and hatred.  Above me was the center of the storm.  It had no eye, it just became pitch black with the thickness of its strength.  My admiration of what had been built quickly turned to rage as I realized the severity of what had been sent against my family for the selfish desires of the ‘Dark Man’.

When one finds oneself in this sort of position, it is good to know about the tradition that originated the spell.  Why?  Because many traditions don’t actually cast spells.  Stay with me now, and please don’t take offense.  I’ll start with the Wiccan belief system as an example.  It’s simple when you think about it.  You gather tools and reagents that represent the aspects of nature, you declare an intention, and then you make an appeal to a deity to make things happen (I know, I oversimplified it).  Christianity is the same way.  They have their 3 primary gods (creator (God), intervenor (Holy Spirit), and Messiah (Jesus)), and their array of demigods (Angels, Demons, and Saints).  When a Christian makes a prayer, they are not attempting to cause the change themselves, they are appealing to an authority to make it happen.  When these prayers, rituals, and other things are appealed to their respective authorities, an entity that represents the nature of the tradition and intention is what can actually do the work.  That’s why so many prayers and spells through pantheism, monotheism, or whatevertheism go unanswered.  There is another authority involved that gets the final say.  When dealing directly with magical forces, there is no intermediary, and nobody to decide what’s best for you.

Casting, praying, or any other type of action in this way also means that you are bound by the rules of the authority you appeal to.  I’ve even seen spells out there that appeal for others to be held to the same kinds of laws.  Ever hear of Christians praying for God’s will/law to cause judgement on a some sort of perceived sinner?  Ever see/read/hear a spell that calls for the law of karmic retribution to be enforced on someone?  These ‘laws’ are not universal, they are only present because people choose to act within traditions that come with consequence.  Some people seem to need that structure in their lives I guess.

The good news about all of that is, even if you’re not a part of that tradition, you can appeal to those same authorities for enforcement of their own rules.  I’m not Wiccan, nor would I choose to cast under that structure, but I can make an appeal to the authority that allowed the intention to be manifested to judge it under their own rules, and ask that those rules be enforced.  Part of Wiccan morality is ‘An it harm none, do what ye will’.  This spell was doing harm to my family.  Any love spell cast that would break a happy family apart for a person’s own desires is harmful, even if there was no amplification of the spell due to Dark Man intervention.  One of the other parts to Wiccan morality is the Law of Threefold Return.  Hopefully if that is enforced on the original caster it is based on the original intent of the spell, and not on the final manifestation.  That would be horrible.

So, that took care of the witch, now it was time for a show of force to let our Dark Man know that I’m not the small-fry that I used to be.  I have been receiving guidance.  Not from a new spirit guide (still don’t have a new one), but from someone who is a long story all by themselves.  This entity forced me to learn how to bring magic from the physical directly into the astral.  It took me a long time to learn it, but it was time for my big debut.

There was a lot of anger.  I have grown tired of being badgered by The Dark Man’s intentions constantly.  I’m tired of having to check out new relationships and happenings to see if they are part of something bigger than they seem on the surface.  It causes me stress in my life, and I don’t tend to handle stress well.  The blast was enormous and punched a hole through the center of the storm.  It slowly started closing back up, letting me know that it was hardly enough to vaporize it, but it had to shift inward to close, which meant that it wasn’t regenerating, it had been damaged and had to shrink to fill in the hole.  To put it in a way that we are more used to, I could make it bleed.

Knowing that I could cause change in something this big, I threatened the dark man and let him know that he was beaten on this round, and that I was going to destroy what he had helped to create.  I then left the astral and started the physical portion of the spellwork.  This is where I deconstructed the original spell.  I used some of my really big guns that I had been saving for special occasions.  Some of them were ‘gifts’ given to me by old friends like Lazarus and parts crossed boundaries that others refuse to cross.  I also made my intention clear to our little nuisance that my fight was in it for the long haul.  Even if it cost me my life, or meant that I couldn’t move on after this one, I would not relent until he was either driven away or destroyed.  Worse yet, I threatened to bind him.  That is like prison for entities.

It took nearly two days for the ‘storm’ to fully clear, but things did return to normal.  My wounds took an unnatural time to heal.  After nearly two weeks they were still mostly open and had developed almost no scab.  There was no infection, it just was just wide open like it had happened that day.  Over 6 weeks later there is still deep scabbing on portions.  Normally I tend to be a quick healer.  I can get a deep laceration and have it be gone in a matter of just a couple of weeks.  This one was different somehow.

I was also exhausted afterward.  It took a couple of days with a lot of sleep and naps to really recover from the ordeal.  It’s the biggest toll I’ve had on my body and mind since I started using magic.  I’m not sure if this kind of thing is like a muscle, where as you use it you gain strength and endurance, or if there is a finite amount that your system can handle.  I plan on building a focus that I can use in the future.  Something to channel the energy through that isn’t my body.  If it works, perhaps it can take some of the strain off of things of this magnitude.

Of course, in a perfect world, nobody would ever need to do things of this magnitude.  Too bad it isn’t a perfect world.

Sorry for the long delay between posts.  As you can see there has been some serious stuff going down, and a lot happening on the personal and work side too.  Life just gets in the way of making blog posts sometimes.  Then you poor devils have to put up with nearly 4,000 words at a clip when I do post.


A blog by any other name…

One of the recurring themes in this blog is that there is a dark entity that enjoys my wife and can be quite bothersome.  I’ve mentioned him before, and even gave some vague information as to some of his doings.  He’s one of the reasons I became a practitioner of the occult rather than just confining myself to the study of it.  I still enjoy my studies, but in a conversation with C the other day I noticed something odd.

I have spent countless hours reading blogs, I currently have 32 different books in my occult/spiritual library and have read every one of them, and I participate in a couple different online communities (those are a bit spotty).  The one thing that I have noticed after all this time is there is very little mention anywhere about the ‘darker’ side of all of this.  Sure, there are some old grimoires you can get your hands on that will tell you to boil a live cat, but that’s not what I’m talking about.  What I mean is that very few people talk about the big problems.  If they mention anything negative (especially in the newer books) they usually gloss over it and tell you to do a banishing ritual or make your chakras glow.  Then they get back to the business of telling you how wonderful everything can be with magic, spirituality or other flavors of woo.

Now, I agree that keeping a positive spin on things is good.  Also, posting information about how to do rotten things to people can be a bit dangerous to everyone involved.  I have just noticed that there is a serious lack of caution about what really is lurking on the other side.  Yes, there are kind and benevolent entities and energies out there, and those are definitely a good thing to focus on.  Those kinds of energies tend to keep the rotten ones away because you’re surrounding yourself with something very positive,.  The little annoying dark entities tend to avoid that like the plague as there are too many easier targets out there.

What they don’t talk about enough, in my opinion, is that ‘dark side’.  I know that ‘downer’ books don’t sell, so I know why they don’t put much (if any) reference in them, but there are people who come to the occult looking for answers to problems they already have.  There are also those that start to play in the darker side of things and don’t know what to expect.  So, I guess my blog is one of those exceptions to the rules.

The last thing I want to do is sound like an angst-filled rebellious teenager that wants to piss off a set of staunchly religious parents.  I listen to myself in conversations with C and others and sometimes I have to stop and think about how entirely ridiculous it all sounds.  This blog is probably considered to be one of the biggest piles of delusional, wooist nonsense that exists on the internet.  Then I think about everything that has gone on with C and me over the years, and it brings me sharply back into focus.  We have done our experiments, C and I have blind-tested each other with shocking results, and we have admitted when things have worked and when they haven’t.  None of this would I provide as ‘evidence’ that anyone else should even believe in the things that I do as experiences don’t tend to count in that type of thing.  But to have lived all of this myself, having approached it with an objective mind, and being the biggest skeptic of my own experiences, I am still led to conclusions that I would deem ‘madness’ had I not experienced them all myself.

All of that being said, people interested in the occult, or even spirituality in general need to understand clearly that there is a second side to every coin.  There are unpleasant, malevolent forces out there in there ether.  There are lots of different names people give them based on personal beliefs or the way the entity behaves.  There are also energies that are ‘dark’ in their nature.  Yes, most practitioners steer clear of them, and for good reason.  Just as positive forces can bring about positive results and entities, negative energies can bring about the opposite.  Practice wisely.

This still leaves us with the problem of the few that encounter these darker forces without having brought it upon themselves.  There are entities who look for positive people and do bad things, there are some that attach to people with natural gifts and feed off of them, and some people just get unlucky and bump into the wrong thing at the wrong time.  With a lack of information out there, one is left to a long road of experimentation to handle these kinds of situations.  I’ve heard plenty of the ‘command it to leave’ and ‘just surround yourself with positive energy’ advice, and it works well on little nuisances, but the big ones are far beyond that.  A blanket of happy thoughts is not enough to keep people safe from them, nor is a simple act of banishment.

I feel really bad for people that are in this situation because that’s where I started.  In my time of heavy practice we have managed to stop the physical interactions (for the most part), and he has moved on to manipulating things from a distance.  To the ‘help there’s something in my house’ perspective, most people would see him as ‘gone’ since he doesn’t do things in our presence anymore, but he’s still there.  It has only changed the way he interacts.  he has been ‘driven out of the house’ for the most part, but he’s still there in the wings; pulling strings and manipulating people.  So, yes, we have made progress, but everything is far from solved.

How would someone that is not heavily involved in the occult handle such a problem?  For me the answer was to embrace the occult so I could fight fire with fire, but I know that can’t be the answer for everyone.  At some point I will find a way to finish our business with him, but it could still be years before things are fully resolved.  Things may never be fully resolved.  So how would the average person handle it?  The answer is, they couldn’t.  They would need outside help.  If they found the wrong help it could anger an entity and make things worse (read a couple interesting stories about that), which is obviously not a good situation.  If they have someone help them and they only push it back beyond arm’s reach, then they would think things are resolved, even though the entity would still be present.  I see that as a dangerous.  Our situation is probably worse now than it was when he would physically interact with C simply because he’s had to get more creative, more complex, and more subversive.  This means that the things that he does have a bigger punch to them and they’re harder to see coming.

Even with help from someone that could fully resolve the situation, it could take months or years to help someone with a large entity problem.  That’s a ton of time and effort to give to someone who will most likely not see the results after a point.  After a while it would seem like you were just stringing them along if they didn’t have any way to sense the entity themselves.  I guess C and I are lucky in that regard.

I guess the whole point of this is to warn people who think magic can be all wine and roses that there really is an ugly side of things.  It doesn’t mean you’ll necessarily have problems with it, but it’s out there and it does happen to good people who have done nothing to invite it.  There is a serious lack of information out there about what to with something that’s a big problem, and I’m not much help there yet either.  I have the structure for many things, but figuring out how to actually implement some portions of the magic involved is a very difficult and long process.

This wasn’t intended as a dire warning of impending doom to anyone that encounters the spiritual.  As a physical-world analogy, think of it like this:  No matter how safe of a driver you are, no matter how cautious, the other drivers on the road can still cause you problems.  Even if you choose to not drive to be ‘safe’, things happen to pedestrians, bicyclists, and sometimes people drive a car through the front of a convenience store.  It’s just a part of the reality of being alive and having cars on the road.  Most of us will never encounter anymore than just a little fender-bender, or some jerk cutting us off, but there are times when the video that gets posted on YouTube makes us wonder how reality can get so strange.

Just keep your eyes open, and if something does go wrong, do your homework and try to understand it.

Be well,


An absence of posts is not an absence of activity…

It’s been awhile since my last post, but a lot has gone on since then.  There are just some things that are a little too strange for words.  Yes, even for me.

Something big happened.  I mean really big.  So big that it’s made me take an honest look at myself to see if I need to be back on medications.  If you wrote the story of this whole thing and sent it to a publisher they would laugh if you wanted to put it in the non-fiction section, even though the story would be the real deal.

Without going into too many details (you wouldn’t believe me anyway) I will say this:  I have learned over the past few weeks that if you have a powerful, negative entity that is determined to manipulate someone, they can do more than you ever imagined to get that done.  This isn’t about throwing plates around your house or giving you the chills every time you walk past a bookshelf or something, this is far bigger than that.  This story involves a being that has been in pursuit of someone over multiple lives and has manipulated people and events over the course of decades to orchestrate a single event.  An event so bizarre that I’m not even sure it would make a good novel.

Luckily, thanks to some information from the ether, the event was narrowly avoided.  Now the entity is pissed.  Really, really pissed.  We’re not sure what it’s next move is, but if it’s anything like the last one we’ll never see it coming until it’s right in our face…perhaps not until after it’s hit us.  Part of the problem in the middle of all this is C’s spirit guide (whom she has never met) was unknowingly used as a tool in this and we’re not sure if he’s ok.  Also, I was informed by my guide that I’ve outgrown her and need to find a more powerful one.  That leaves us with two people caught in the thick of this nonsense that need to find new allies and we can’t even trust a new ally if we find one.  Why?  We’ve dealt with bad advice before and there is no reason that we couldn’t end up playing right into this other entity’s hands if we aren’t insanely careful.

I know I’m being incredibly vague, but I have to right now.  If I think about this stuff too much there is a part of my brain that just RAILS against it.  I have always been a skeptic and this situation is just too much for me at times.  I know that the pieces have all fallen together, and there are things that have happened that I can’t deny, but that logical, skeptical part of my brain is still trying really hard to convince me that I’m a nut.  Why?  it would honestly be easier to accept that I’m crazy than it would be to accept all the events that have gone on.  I wonder at this point in my life if I would consider taking a pill that would make it all go away and turn me back into a mundane, oblivious little peon that just coasts through life without having to worry about this nonsense.

I’ve done enough work trying to find answers over the last few weeks that it has been draining.  I think the one night I did over a dozen readings on a series of questions, I’ve meditated/traveled to consult with my guide, and I’ve even read a couple new books in the interim.  It’s such a big deal that there is no choice for it to do anything but consume my life at this point.  C and I keep it under wraps until after little N goes to bed, but it has dominated every conversation after that, and text/messaging during the day for weeks now.  The truly scary part is that we know it’s not total BS at this point as we’re starting to get medical evidence of some of the answers we got from our work over the last few weeks.

It’s entirely terrifying just because C and I have been into this stuff (different parts, same concept) for a while now and have bumped into some pretty ugly entities.  But this thing is unreal…it’s not even in the same class as what we have dealt with in the past.  It’s not leeching energy or causing little mischievous problems, it’s manipulating the lives of multiple people to change the future paths of incarnations of itself and others.  This thing is a big, big deal and can cause changes in the way events happen on a large scale.  I’d rather deal with a dish-rattler.

I don’t know what else to say about it right now.  Perhaps I’ll share the full story when we’re not still in the trenches fighting this.  I’ll be gone for about five days at a conference, so it will be nice to get away from everything for a little bit.  It may sound selfish to be glad to walk away for a couple days, but I need it right now.  This thing is bound to C so it won’t be coming with me.  If it does, I hope it doesn’t mind seeing me in a swimsuit at the hotel.


Chaos has been a big part of healing…

A while back I wrote a post about mental health and non-traditional religious/spiritual practices, and I wondered if the ‘pros’ were correct in their assumptions that abnormal beliefs were a red-flag for many different classifications of disorder names that they could throw at you.  It makes you question your beliefs, your sanity, and the things you experience that are outside the ‘norm’.

Recently though, I’ve had a few biggies that made a huge difference in the way I see myself and even others.  mostly me though.  I’m allowed to do that on my own blog ;)

The first confirmation was a huge section I wrote in my personal files.  I keep them because  I consider them to be more of a part of my work rather than part of my journey (which is what I tend to share on here).  They don’t really don’t do me any good, they just help set concepts and new knowledge into my head, and act as a form of ‘thinking out loud’ without bugging my wife.

I was reading a week ago and I hit something creepy in a book.  It was an entire chapter that sounded like I wrote it.  The concepts were identical, and some of the explanations were almost entirely verbatim.  These were things I know that I came up on my own through much trial and error, and TONS of meditation.  I only acquired the book about two weeks ago, and the entry was many months old.  Somehow I came to the exact same conclusion about things that someone had through my own methods.  The person that wrote it isn’t even alive.  Somehow that makes it better.  I guess because you’re less likely to be exposed to it?

Another thing that happened just a few days later confirmed one of my favorite meditating techniques, and the way I do it.  Throughout my journey with meditation I have always tried to find better ways of doing it, including trying different tools (no, not drugs.  Ever.) to help the experience.  I found binaural beats a while ago and really enjoyed the experience I had with it.  I kept fine-tuning the frequency I used when I meditated to get the best results.  After quite a long-stretch of experimentation I ended up at 7.6hz as my favorite to meditate with.

My wife’s Dr. told her (he’s a medical Dr. and a master of eastern philosophy) that the earth resonates a 7.8hz frequency (true) and that the body can too.  He said that everyone needs to experience it at least twice per day.  Certain activities, that can vary by person, can cause this frequency for a few moments, but it’s all the brain needs to get what it wants.

Do I even need to point out how close those frequencies are?  Talk about confirmation from an outside source.  My wife didn’t even know what frequency I used, only that I used binaural beats when I meditated.  I’m definitely going to try 7.8hz the next time I do and see if that slight adjustment makes things just a little bit easier to achieve.  Not to sound too shamanistic, but that frequency could really tune you into the Earth, which has some useful tools associated with it.  Nothing against shamanism, I really enjoyed that portion of my training, it’s just not the bulk of my practice; although some of my experience with meditation could easily be described along those lines.

All of that rolls down to the original point I was making in the beginning: mental health.  If you take someone who has a condition or two pop up in their life, mostly from genetic predisposition, but you add the non-traditional beliefs, it throws you into an entirely different category.  Compound that with the primary problem being so severe that it can present itself as other conditions and you can get shoved into a bucket of psychiatric misery.  Some of the things they say are wrong with you can only be treated by medication, especially if your beliefs and other behaviors don’t change.

I’m sure you can tell I’m talking about myself by now, so here’s the bucket of love involved.  I have severe PTSD (not from the military) and a predisposition to bipolar disorder.  The short part of it is that the PTSD was so severe that it presented as bipolar, etc, etc, etc… and all of the symptoms of that, anxiety, panic, social anxiety, and especially the ‘non-traditional’ beliefs threw me into the “Borderline Personality Disorder” category.  Hit it up on Wikipedia, it’s not a pretty thing.  But wait, what’s that?  A year and a half of therapy for the PTSD by a therapist who respected my beliefs made a difference?  Without the PTSD running around rampantly I don’t hardly present the symptoms of anything else?

Before my therapist moved last week (sad), I gave her privacy clearance to disclose everything about our progress and sessions to the new med lady.  I saw her for the first time today and she wants to remove the bulk, if not all, of my medication because of what we did in therapy.  So I guess that the non-traditional beliefs don’t matter any more.  Nice.

So, between the outside confirmations of some of my beliefs and practices, and the confirmation that the medical world doesn’t care since I’m too far out of the bucket for them to use belief against me, I’m feeling pretty damn good about things.  I’m not crazy in (some) of my beliefs in many different areas of my life.  Also, the work that I’ve done for the last few years has meant something.  Not just in the confirmed beliefs, but that the comfort I found in my studies was as therapeutic as it felt.

I’m not one to share emotions on here very often, but I just thought I’d share this little story with everyone.  The moral of the story?  If people tell you that you’re crazy for believing whatever it is you’re all about, just say something rude back and laugh at them.  I know that as Chaotes we can adopt any belief system we want at any time, or even waffle and mix them if we’d like, but if you believe in them, it’s never wrong.  It’s one of the fundamentals of Chaos.  Believe it.  Be it.  Own it.


There is a storm brewing in the distance…

A (sample) sigil as an iPad painting.

A (sample) sigil as an iPad painting. (Mine)

It’s odd.  My wife is a sensitive and I don’t really share that gift with her.  Once in a while there is something so strong, or so close to me that I can get a read off of it, but normally it’s just something that’s not a part of my life.  Now magic, that’s quite the different story.

Everybody seems to have their own definition of what the magical force is that seems to drive the entire universe in an esoteric way.  Even Christians have the Holy Spirit, which is a force very similar to others that so many believe in.  I decided to settle on ether (Æther is such a pain in the ass to type) because it rolls off the tongue and it’s not such a funky name that it feels awkward to say it in public.

Now that I’ve been into things for a while, I can get a good read of the currents and waves within the ether when it’s involved in my works. It’s there all the way from simple divination to some of the deep, dark work that I enjoy so much.  Lately there has been something in the ether that seems strange.  It’s a bit hard to describe, but it’s something not quite right.

Normally, to me, the ether has a natural ebb and flow to it.  At times it is stronger than usual, other times the tide seems to be out a bit.  It simply changes the methods and effort required to get the results you need.  The last few weeks there has been something turbulent, making it difficult to control, changing the strength of spells.  It doesn’t really matter the kind of spell, or the casting difficulty, they can fizzle or fire too hard without any way of controlling it.

This whole thing feels like the wind on the edge of a storm; very turbulent and very unpredictable.  Almost like a chaos within the chaos.  If you look at the nature of chaos,the math or the magic, variables are a big part of any type of prediction or success respectively.  The additional instability of the power source itself is quite possibly one of the worst variables I have every worked with.  It’s very unpredictable right now.

I’m not sure if this kind of thing is happening everywhere, but wherever I reach into the ether it is filled with instability.  I enjoy working with the ether stream directly.  I like to feel it move through my work.  I suppose I could build an item or two to help with things being so turbulent.  I could do something that would restrict the stream to its relative low point so I could work with a consistent minimum amount, making my work take a lot longer for the more complex ones.  I could also make something that works like a battery that would store what I need for later use.  I’m not even sure the last idea would work, and the ether always feels like such a living stream when I work with it, it would really be a shame to try to stifle it within a container of sorts.

My real hope is that things mellow out in the near future.  I’m already a bit timid trying to work things right now, but if they get more turbulent, who knows what it would be like.  You just have to ask yourself: If turns into a storm, do you want to buckle down inside of a safe shelter, or do you want to become Benjamin Franklin with his kite (yes, it’s a myth) and unlock more secrets than you knew could even exist.

I’m not sure if this is just the place where I pull from, but if it’s everywhere the turbulence is huge.  It just may be a passing storm that I’m getting the edge of, or it could hit straight on. The only way I’ll be able to tell is by reaching regularly and seeing what the ether holds.


Remember:  There is a Google+ community about these sorts of things.  Join us!

Our daily exposure to magic…

"Remember - i before e, except in Budweis...

“Remember – i before e, except in Budweiser” – Happy FRISKY FRIDAY!!! (2929068862) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Well, the Superbowl has now come and gone, and everybody can settle down with the results until next season.  Wether your favorite team won or lost, I thought it was an exciting and amazing show of athleticism and strength on both sides.  That said, let’s look at the really interesting side of the Superbowl: the commercials.

I didn’t find (most of) this year’s commercials as entertaining as ones from previous years, but they still are a perfect example of our daily exposure to magic.  The bulk of modern people wouldn’t consider commercials and other forms of advertising to be magic, but if you really look at the base of what both are trying to accomplish, and the way they are trying to do it, they are more alike than they are different.

I know different disciplines use tools that Chaotes can borrow from, but at the heart of Chaos is the understanding that the purpose of anything that we do is to implant an idea into the subconscious that will be executed without conscious involvement.  The same is true for advertising.  They don’t care, or even want you to think about one of their commercials when you are looking for a product, they want you to reach for it naturally, without thinking about why you’re even getting it.  ‘I need detergent, let’s get a box of Tide.’  Or at worst is something like: ‘I need a box of detergent, the new Purex crystals sound neat so I’ll try it.”  How many product names can you think of?  About  a gazillion is my guess.  There are products on the shelves that I won’t even try because ‘I don’t know anything about them.”  I’ve never bought or tried some of the items in a store, but if I am going to, the first thing I look for is a ‘known commodity’, a.k.a. a brand I’ve had good luck with on other products.

The main concept behind many of these commercials is ‘branding’.  Most of the commercials on the big game yesterday didn’t even try to sell you anything directly (0% APR car financing, etc.).  They just showed you things funny/neat/bizarre so they became new in your mind, and more easily slipped down into the subconscious, implanting it for non-conscious recognition in the future.  That’s not me relating it to Chaos, that’s just the name of the game.  Did you see all the Nike logos on every piece of equipment on the field?  Me neither.  They’re so heavily implanted that the subtile swoosh doesn’t do anything but reinforce the brand they work so hard to maintain.

Now, think about the concept of a sigil, a ritual, or even meditation for the purpose of spell casting.  You are simply trying to slip the information into your own subconscious so it can act without any conscious thought.  Instead of grabbing something off the shelf, you are just aiming that your astral/ethereal self/energy (or whatever you think it is) will make things happen that result in the final outcome.

They aim for automatic brand recognition and action results by the target, we aim for action results without source recognition by the target (mostly).

This concept of ‘branding’ and other tools within advertising are almost exact in their process to Chaos techniques that work incredibly well.  The vast majority of the population has no idea that these concepts are so closely linked.  It would either freak them out about advertising, or it would help legitimize magic as a valid discipline.  They may not be swayed in their religious/spiritual views about the evil/good nature of the practice, but perhaps it would be taken more seriously, and people would be more questioning of advertisements.  Or perhaps people would just call shenanigans and stay the way they are because it’s easier that way.  It would probably be that last one.

It makes me smile to know that people eat this stuff up like candy because it makes my job a lot easier.  When I design ads/commercials I just ‘brand’ the hell out of things and people turn to us without question.  Both of the national competitors in our area combined don’t do 1/3 the business we do.  Why?  Anywhere you look in this valley there is our logo.  The college, high school stadiums, every charity advertisement, news, print, boards, television, pre-movies ads, etc.  We even cut the ‘name’ portion off of our logo and simply use that symbol (a sigil?) on some campaigns.  For a period we had a board up with nothing but the symbol on a white background.  We received tons of compliments on it.

They were all moved towards us and only rarely do we advertise a specific product or service.  When we do, we have massive influxes from those promotions.

It’s a pretty well ‘branded’ company, no?  We’ve even reduced our standard branding statements into a single sigil (like the Nike swoosh) that represents everything that we have implanted into our customers’ minds.  To me that’s magic, and it’s awesome.  I love to watch us do it and I love to see it on a national level.  I’m a sucker for it.  That kind of thing just works too well.