Well, November is gone, which means that I can be a human being again, rather than a NaNoWriMo obsessed typing machine. This year I actually succeeded in my 50,000 word goal, and had it blown away by the end. Is the book done? No. I’m only at about the halfway point. Is the book good? Who knows. That will only be known if I ever finish it and let someone read it. The important part is that the book is coherent, the characters are not complete cardboard cutouts, and I have a clear path to the end. So, it was a good month of writing and gave me quite the needed confidence boost when it comes to that sort of thing.
So, with that done, on with the show!
Can you believe it’s the 100th post? It works out to a little less than a post a week since this blog was started. Of course, they have been sporadic for a myriad of different reasons, yet here we are anyway. I went back a read my first few posts and it helped me realize how far I’ve really come in my practice. I don’t know how things are for others, but every time I do something, successful or not, it brings me more questions than answers. Even after all these years I have a huge list of things that I still need to try, test, and learn about. I’ve had a bad habit lately of reading too many books. While not normally considered a ‘bad’ thing, they have just made the laundry list of what I need to explore a lot longer. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy it. It just makes me laugh sometimes how I can always seem to create more for myself to do than I can possibly get done.
Word is spreading slowly in my personal circles that my wife and I don’t quite fit the molds that everyone else does. This, of course, has led to people keeping us a little more at arms-length, but that’s quite fine. We’re both very non-social people in person so it’s been nice to not have to do as much to maintain those relationships. Social situations are difficult for both of us, so a touch of standoffishness is a welcomed gift.
As word slowly spreads there are whispers of ‘that’s not real’, ‘both of them are just crazy’, ‘they’re going to hell’, and other fun references that we promptly ignore. But as the word has spread, these same people who want less to do with us, for whatever their personal reason is, also have been having a new kind of conversation with us. It’s usually a phone call or text that starts with ‘Can I ask you something and have it stay between us?’
For all of their doubt and religious judgement, when something happens that they can’t explain they come to us. We’ve had questions about entity attacks, bumps in the night, and even requests for tarot readings. It seems that everyone that is so quick to reject our beliefs is a lot more comfortable with them when they become useful. We have found with a couple of them that, after we talk about things or give them a hand with something, they realize that we’re not playing a game, we’re not teenagers that want to rebel against some societal norm, and we’re not doing our thing under the control of some ‘devil or ‘demon’ or whatever it is that they fantasize as the invisible bad guy.
We’re just looking for answers to questions that we have, and the path towards those answers is along a road less traveled. That’s all.
I guess the point of this rambling is that there seems to be a small clutch of people out there that are fascinated by all of this, but they’re still terrified of it. Other than online, I have never willingly admitted to anything that I do. My wife is always the one that outs me, and I refuse to talk about specifics with anyone that I know in person. I tend to be vague or use analogy if they insist on speaking about what I do, but I will have limited conversations about some of the topics surrounding it. I’m still a bit defensive about the whole thing I guess. It’s a natural reflex when you live in a very conservative, religious town.
How is the practice itself going? Good question. Sometimes I forget that it has become a part of my everyday life; so the reading, the journaling, and the small work of all of it doesn’t really seem notable like it did in the beginning. When I first started this blog, a couple hours of thought dedicated to Chaos and related happenings was worth of a blog post, these days it’s just part of who I am. I have reminders of my beliefs and practice sprinkled throughout my house and I’m comfortable in what I do, so there isn’t really a second thought given to being in that mindset now. Perhaps that means I’ve going from ‘practicing’ to ‘being’, not that it matters.
In the last month the holidays have taken their time, new video games have taken a slice, writing has taken its time, but somehow I actually got a bit of spiritual work done in there. My brother-in-law and sister-in-law are both big ‘you guys are kooks’ believers, but that has changed. He, loving Christian soul that he is, was attacked by an entity. So, my wife’s phone started getting filled with texts from her sis, concerned not only about the attack but that it seemed to change his personality after it happened.
I told them to look for answers within their own faith (prayer, etc) since I operate outside of their normal comfort zone. Turns out they did but it didn’t help. So, my wife and I were asked for guidance and intervention into both the attack and the attitude change. It turned out to be no big deal, just a one time attack, so we didn’t have to do anything to chase it off. The attitude shift was another thing though. The entity that attacked him was a strong one and left physical marks on him. This not only flipped his reality of what can and can’t happen, but it also left a bit of a taint on him from the encounter. Sadly, I can’t do anything about either unless people are willing to cooperate. I can’t tell you what’s going on if your faith doesn’t allow you to accept the answers, and I can’t do anything about a spiritual residual left behind if your rules are ‘whatever you do, it can’t involve me’. So, as we knew it would, it wore off and he returned to his previous state. All I could have done was sped up the process a little.
It seemed odd to me though that someone would come to us for help but not be willing to be a part of the solution. That would be like going to a doctor and telling him that you couldn’t be involved in the treatment. The good part of the whole thing is that C and I had a chance to look at how things were interacting with others rather than being left with just our own experiences. Those kinds of learning opportunities don’t come along terribly often, so it was all time well spent.
I suppose that’s it for the 100th post. Nothing too exciting. I still have some big projects coming up with regards to my magic, but they are long-term things. I’m still working on effective use of magic within the astral. My biggest problem is measuring it. If I try Astral -> Physical magic I can look for results that I can measure and analyze. Astral -> Astral magic though, not so much. Everything within my meditation is subject to question just because of the nature of the mind and suggestibility. So how then does one measure Astral magic results? It’s a conundrum, and currently one of my biggest projects.