Shamanic evocation fails…

Although I have a good relationship with my servitors, Lazarus and Socrates, I had no idea what they looked like. I built the fetishes that give me the physical link to them, but that doesn’t mean that it is the form they have taken in the spiritual/astral realm. I meditated last night with the intention of completing my ‘Conjuration Six – Shamanic Evocation’ by attempting to meet each of my servitors in the non-physical realm. My wife hasn’t felt the presence of Socrates for a while now, mostly because I have him out on information collection missions pretty much at all times, so I figured I would only meet Lazarus if I was successful.

I started my meditation, and my physical detachment and visualization techniques, which made me slip into my dual awareness very quickly. As a part of my technique I use a progressive mental detachment that ends in complete dual awareness and lets my astral self take control of the situation. As I progressed, I felt myself changing, and by the time the technique was finished, I was the same animal that my guide was. My senses were heightened and I could feel the strength in my body.

I smelled something. Something far off. A scent that was familiar to me, and yet I did not know it at all, as I had never experienced senses like this before. I decided to follow the scent in hopes that it would take me to Lazarus. After some travel within the void, with the smell I was tracking a good ways off, my spirit guide walked in from the side and stopped directly in front of my path with a posture that felt like ‘none shall pass’. As I approached him I instinctively went into some sort of submission routine with my guide, which was probably a really good thing after the posture he had towards me the first time I met him. It felt like a master and student relationship.

I asked him what he was doing here, as it was not my intention to bother him. He responded in his deep, powerful voice:

Walk with me.

You have been doing well since the last time we met, as you have learned to protect your child and mate much better.

In the wild, some of the most dangerous encounters a family can have come not from outside influences, but from the male. Of course we are not the physical of our kind, merely the spirit of their energy and way of life, but that danger is still there.

One day you will not need your creations. Your owl friend is a great ally to have for now, but one day you will not require his services and will need to set him free. Your other creation…

Your other creation is fine…for now.

I know you came here to meet him, but you are not ready. He is a shifter, and they can be dangerous. They have no true form, no balance with any of the forces that drive the universe, which makes them unpredictable. He will become…

We will deal with that when the time arises. And always remember to treat your enemies according to your true nature.

You should go now and reflect on what you have learned both in life and through your meditations. There is more to be learned from them than what lies on the surface.

I never asked more than that one question, as I knew he would give me the information I needed. I felt like the question was unnecessary, but tolerated due to my lack of experience. I think I will adopt the ëdo not speak unless asked a question’ policy on our next visit.

There were many short and long pauses in what he said, but there is no good way to express them in text. Many of the pauses seemed to be a part of the meaning. Subtile difference in his posture were also a part of the message that are hard to describe. When he dismissed me I thanked him and returned the way I came, gradually coming out of my meditation and bringing that peaceful feeling and relaxation up with me into the physical world.

I never did meet Lazarus, but I could tell that my guide really did not think it was the right thing to do, so I respected his wishes and wisdom. I will not try and meet Lazarus again until I am told that I am ready to see him.

Based on body language and inference, I could tell that he didn’t like Lazarus, or the way he handled the situation with my wife’s ex-boss. I’m starting to find out that he doesn’t follow orders as well (if at all) when it’s a beneficial act, but he has been overdoing the ones involving red and black magick. I learned a lot from making him, but earlier posts will tell you that I did not make him perfectly. I was also in a very bad place mentally, which affects his nature because that was part of what created him.

It’s a learning process every day if you spend the time to look for ways to grow and continue your journey. Chaos has led me into so many spiritual beliefs that I have nowhere near the same outlook on anything anymore. With these acceptances, and the original reason I got into magick out of my hands, I have few desires of what to change or influence in my life. All I seem to crave now is more insight into the true nature of things. Chaos can involve or not involve any belief system you want, even Chaos. Life, death, everything come from Chaos. Everyone is part of it, only whether or not they are practicing the art of Chaos is the question.

As you can see, I have plenty to meditate and reflect on for a while.

The butterfly has flapped its wings…

As some of you may recall from a previous post, my servitor, Lazarus, ran off and caused some unpleasant events for my wife’s former boss. It seems that this has caused an unexpected chain of events that I would never have imagined.

After the giant hit to his testicles, and the urologist’s fear of having to amputate them, they put him on some sort of medicine to help with the problem, and it was apparently working. The only problem is nobody told him not to work out while he was on this medication. Apparently, this medication has a possibility to separate your connective tissue from your skeletal structure if it is placed under too much stress. My wife’s former boss (as you could probably guess) is very egotistical and narcissistic, so he does a total body workout, including lifting, every single day. Needless to say, this has caused an issue.

Today he is in a neighboring state getting a platelet injection with the hope that it will help his body reattach the ligaments and such back to his bone structure. I guess he is in terrible pain from the entire process. They are also concerned about his prostate going untreated, but the medications for that have a serious interaction with the medicine to help save his stones.

I know my servitor caused the impact to the groin, but who would have thought that a normally non-serious, yet totally hilarious, act could have caused such a tumbling of the dominoes within his life. I have no regret, I believe that karmic retribution is hogwash, and I would do it all over again if I could. The really funny part is I didn’t do it on purpose, in a moment of rage I just said that I would really, really like to kick him in the sack if I could get away with it. It left my mind and Lazarus took it from there, did my will, and I’m in the clear. If I had done it myself, I would be in a world of hurt right now with police, lawsuits, and the like.

Even if I told him about the entire thing, who would believe him? He’s end up in the loony bin. It really helped set in some of the concepts of the magic formula that Peter Carroll writes about. The total lack of conscious awareness I had of the desire made it happen in an awesome way. Just dropping it in my mind made things happen so fast and with so much fallout for him that it’s probably that most powerful magic work I have ever done, and it was all through my servitor.

IO CHAOS!!!!!!!

I met my spirit guide…finally…

I know it has been a while since I posted anything that directly relates to my Liber KKK training. The reason is that the Shamanistic portion has been something of a problem for me to work on in my new house. My private space has now been setup to be shared; and while that’s a good thing within the family, it makes it difficult for working magick through meditation, especially while one is still learning to get really good at the process.

The good news is, we have a new understanding about the shared space. My wife and I have both agreed that we each need totally private time every now and then, so we just make it clear and the other does not interrupt unless there is a crisis or the door opens. This has really helped me focus on the Shamanistic portion of the Liber KKK, and has led me to truly feel complete on the invocation part of it.

After much searching, I have finally met my spirit guide. It’s not a servitor that I have created, but an actual spirit, or god-form, that is not of my making. This is awesome to find because it allows me to get information, wisdom, and guidance from something that isn’t tainted by my own opinions and beliefs. Socrates almost fits the bill for this one, but I have him out on so many information gathering errands that I don’t want to interrupt what he’s so good at.

The Shamanic Evocation, as you can tell by many of my other posts, is well-practiced in my relationships with Lazarus and Socrates. That leaves me with a bit more practice on the Divination and Enchantment portions, and then the final piece will be the illumination; the ëvision quest’ as it is traditionally called.

I’m not sure exactly how I will approach the illumination, but I’ll cross that bridge when I feel comfortable with starting that final piece of the Shamanism section. I also see it as the most important part, and is the portion that I feel will be best for me to carry into the Ritual section of the training.

I know my progress looks slow, but I don’t want to be incomplete about my training. If I’ve learned one thing so far, it’s that the more I work on magick, the less I know about everything as a whole, and even my own perception about reality. Cautioned, careful, and complete learning is the key for me, and I won’t consider myself truly finished until I’m comfortable that I can practice and continue to learn in a safe and educated way.

The Math Behind The Chaos

In the early part of his book, Liber Kaos, Peter Carroll talks about the three formulas that are used in Chaos. For those of you who have the book, it starts at the bottom of page 40 and continues through the remainder of Chapter 1.

When I wrote my last post, I made my example of how little I could affect things if the probability of it happening was too low. Well, I was having a problem with his formula on trying to lower the odds of an event happening in the first place, so I had no prayer of using his ideas on dual casting in some situations. I could work the math by hand, but my spreadsheet would never agree with me, and it wouldn’t graph correctly to Carroll’s versions.

I have spent the last few evenings figuring out where I was having problems within the spreadsheet, and finally hit the solution: It was doing the order of operations wrong. Really? Excel, iWork, and Open Office all agree on the wrong damned number? I found it ridiculous, but I added the proper parentheses to force it into the proper order of operations.

The good news is, if you’re good at casting ‘for’ something to happen and you aren’t as skilled at energy ‘against’ something happening, you’re in luck; you can still help your overall success rate by dual casting on the same target. The same is true for the opposite situation.

The book only made a mention of dual casting:

When conflicting acts of magic are performed to both increase and decrease the probability of an event occurring by chance, the respective M must be subtracted from each other and the remaining part of the largest factor substituted in the appropriate equation. For example M = 0.6 for and M = 0.4 against is assessed by entering M = 0.2 in equation two. M = 0.55 for and M = 0.89 against is evaluated by entering M = 0.34 in equation three.

That’s all we’re really given to work with. So, I figured it out. Based on his first example of M = .02, you put that into equation two, and then you use that answer for the probability in equation three. I know, many of you may have figured it out faster than me, but I’m just like that sometimes. For those of you hoping to wrap your head around it, I hope that was enough of an explanation to get you by. If not, please feel free to leave a comment or email me and I’ll do what I can.

For those of you who don’t care about understanding the math, or would like to dissect the way I do it (I can be wrong once every year or two), I have created a spreadsheet in an Open Office format that will do all the calculations for you. I chose Open Office because you can get it for (almost) every platform, it’s free, and it’s done by Oracle, so you know it’s not virus infected junk.

For those of you who don’t have the book, here are what P.Carroll considers to be the three equations of magic, and these are what my spreadsheet is based on:

The three equations of magic:

M = GL(1-A)(1-R)
PM=P+(1-P)M1/P
PM=P-PM1/(1-P)

Superscript looks terrible on this set/font/whatever. On the last two equations, the parts after the M are superscript.

You will have to use a bunch of parentheses, as I mentioned above, to make it work if you want to create a spreadsheet from scratch, and it makes the formulas kind of hard to read. The letters in the formulas are explained in my last post.

The only thing that I found was ‘wrong’ with something, is that the ‘magic aimed at decreasing’ graph (p. 50) didn’t quite match mine, but I wouldn’t blame him for making it look just like the other one to make a point about the magic being inverted and similar. My graph still has the same flow as his, I just think whomever drew it did it that way just for consistency within the reader’s mind.

The spreadsheet will also be placed under the ‘Resources’ page, so if you lose it, you don’t have to hunt for this specific post.

I hope everyone enjoys a bit of the math, and that it helps you get a more clear picture of how hard/easy it will be to change your reality.

IO CHAOS!

There are times when you can’t do a thing…

So, there is some healing magic I want to do really, really bad. It involves trying to helping an extended family member fight some severe mental illness. He is on a high dose of some “last chance “ medications, and the outlook is pretty grim.

I decided to dowse a bit to see which color I should start with to help give some guidance to my work. I got very strange information from my pendulum, and couldn’t make sense of it. So, being the resourceful fellow that I am, I decided to look into things a bit more with my cards. The outlook from the cards was very grim. I knew it was going to be a bad reading, as the depths of the mental illness he has rarely turns out well, but I didn’t realize that things had gone so far that I really couldn’t do anything about it.

So, I was faced with evaluating the probability of the the final outcome that I desire to the relationship of my magic ability and the natural probability of something happening. I remembered there were some rough guidelines in my Liber Kaos that could give you a good idea of how much influence you could have on any particular situation. It’s a fairly easy process; you just take the number M and use a table that also has the probabilities listed. It’s very similar to what we used in my statistics coursework, but without the annoying finite detail.

Here is the formula to find the value of M:

M = GL(1-A)(1-R)

If you haven’t read the book, Liber Kaos, here is a quick rundown of what everything means:

* M = The Magic Factor
* G = Gnosis
* L = Magical Link
* A = Conscious aweareness
* R = Subconscious resistance

I’m not going to go into any more detail about the individual items. This entire portion of the book is quite lengthy and is better to read from the source than it is to get a quick synopsis.

So if we look at three different scenarios, as things can change a LOT if you are too close to the situation and other factors that tend to fluctuate, here is what the odds hypothetically look like.

Great Case Scenario

M = (0.9)(0.9)(1-.1)(1-.1)
So, M = 0.6561
Using a P of 20%:
That only changes the final probability to about 26.2%

Moderate Case Scenario

M = (0.8)(0.8)(1-.2)(1-.2)
In this case M = .4096
Using a P of 20%:
That changes the final probability a lackluster 20.8%

Bad Case Scenario

M = (0.7)(0.7)(1-.3)(1-.3)
In our worst case M = 0.2401
Using a P of 20%:
Our final outcome probability is still right around 20%

So, the odds are terrible, and my estimation of probability may be too high in this case. This means that I would have to be near perfect in my abilities to make any sizable difference. Now I’m quite proud of how far I’ve come with Chaos, but I am still honest with myself. Every time I learn something new, it shows me just how much more I have to learn. I have a couple cheats for Gnosis and Subconscious Resistance, but it still doesn’t make me perfect, and eventually I will have to rely on talent rather than many of the shortcuts that I employ at this time.

My wife is an optimist about these things and gives him a 50/50 shot at it. Although personal experience tells me it’s not that high. The increased odds don’t help my influence very much anyway. The moderate case scenario only raises it by 8%. Honestly, with how much I want him to get better and how close I am to this thing, somewhere around moderate is the best I will be able to realistically achieve. It’s hard to admit such things, but the last thing you want to do in magic is to overestimate your abilities. That’s how people get in serious trouble.

The outlook is grim. The dowsing, the cards, and the math all agree that I can’t do much, if anything, about it. The situation will just have to be what it is going to be, whether I like it or not. Carroll even says in his book that the math can make for a bleak outlook to aspiring magicians, and he was right. It’s not something I can do with my servitors, and it’s not something I can do for someone who is terribly mentally ill and would be resistant to anything that he knew was directed at him.

This situation doesn’t make me lose any faith in Chaos, it just makes me realize how important early action is, and how we can’t control every situation. There are some things I will be able to make a huge difference in, and there will be some situations that will just have to take their course…for now.