Sweet, sweet independent verification. It makes you feel SO damn sane sometimes.
Part of what has been bothering me lately is I have been feeling an increased amount of negative energy around me. Instances of it have lasted a lot longer than they ever have before, so I started questioning what was causing it. One of my sensitive acquaintances hadn’t said anything, and I really wanted independent verification of what I was feeling. Being the person that brings it up makes you wonder if mentioning it just made people think that there was something going on, or perhaps it was hardly noticeable until you brought it to their attention.
This has been growing slowly stronger over the past couple weeks, and kind of came to a head yesterday. With all sorts of negative energy beating on me, it made me wonder if maybe there really was something wrong with me. And then last night it happened. Out of nowhere, “I think there’s something with us right now. “ I haven’t heard those words in months, and they never sounded sweeter to my ears. That opened up the conversation about what has been happening over the past few weeks and I felt much more sane by the end of the conversation.
I’m not sure how many of you are sensitive to energies/spirits/whatever, but it seems to manifest itself differently in people I know that experience them. My wife’s sensations all show up in her stomach, like some sort of wacky ethereal flu. Negative energies hit me almost like an anxiety/paranoia issue. It’s not that I feel anxious about anything specific, or even have any paranoid thoughts, but it seems to have that same physical effect if you took all the emotions out. Does that make sense?
Anyway, all of this activity is heavier than I have ever felt in this area, with just one exception. So that makes me wonder where all of this is coming from. My first idea is that this doesn’t seem random as it has been increasing over time. It hasn’t been just some fluke encounter, it’s been repeated and the intensity increased. This could mean it’s an entity with interest in me, or someone around me. I’m not so damn narcissistic that I think it all has to be about me.
Another idea is that the problems in the ether (link, link) are clearing up because something is being ejected into a more tangible form. I hope that idea isn’t true because it has all sorts of wild ramifications.
[Right as I got to this point in writing this post, I had to speak with a co-worker and use the restroom. While sitting on my porcelain pondering throne, I figured it out.]
Screw my other ideas, I know exactly why this is happening. Part of Chaos Magic is learning to push things from conscious desires into subconscious thoughts. It’s that subconscious part of the mind that doesn’t have to operate within the same rules as our conscious minds, so it can actually do magic. The problem with becoming advanced in this technique is it works really well, and you may forget entirely that you have cast a spell until it manifests. This is one of those times.
The energies that I am feeling right now are of my own creation. That also explains why they felt like a problem inside of myself instead of external energies. I didn’t notice them first arriving because, as a manifestation of my will, I’m already comfortable with them being around, I’m just not used to the intensity or sheer amount of energy that has been around.
So, there you go. I finally have it figured out. In fact, I figured it out in the middle of this post. I’m sure I could rewrite this post a bit so it doesn’t read so abruptly, but this is how real life works. You ponder something and then you get that “Ah ha! “ moment in which everything become clear.
I can’t imagine how powerful this thing would be if I used blood. *shudder*