The saga continues…

Not being one to leave well enough alone, I decided to lock myself in my private space last night and get down to the serious business of seeing just exactly what in the hell has been going on over the last couple days. To really get the deep answers I need to be in my sacred place with all of the proper tools in place. So, I lit my incense, my candles, got my journal, and brought my fetishes into the center of my table.

I have found that a direct presence by my fetishes (especially Socrates) can help my tarot cards produce incredibly focused and succinct answers to some very difficult questions. Last night I wanted more information about what happened with my wife’s little visitor, and how that relates to what I’m doing with my magic. Here is what I received:

“The warning that came during the half-sleep was from an evil entity that died a long time ago.
The binding will, despite their opposition, allow them to be idled and grant the authority of will over them.
Regardless of objections, the act of binding will benefit the marriage and provide protection.”

Well, that pretty much summed everything up for me. It’s all about the work I’m doing on binding entities to objects, and the fact that I am on the correct path with it. Recently, I learned about Goetia, and the story that Solomon had demons bound to do his will during his reign. I have read objections by people about this method of using demons, because it basically amounts to slavery. My initial intention was never to bind a spirit so I could control it, I was interested in binding it so I could suppress it.

There is one particular entity out there that is far too interested in my wife, and it’s not a friendly little beast either. Our current guess is that it’s a remnant from someone she knew when she was younger, and this thing has been following her even throughout she has moved a couple of times. This entity is one of the major motivators I had for starting with magic, and defending my family from the presence of it, and any others that may crop up in the future, has been the largest topic for my research.

That all being said, I guess I need to decide where I stand morally on the topic of enslaving an entity. I’ve already come to peace with imprisonment, but I think forcing it to do my will takes it another step further. I guess a lot of it would depend on the entities original intention. I would never capture something innocuous and force it into slavery, but should I take advantage of something that was out to harm me and my family? Is it more cruel to simply lock it away for an eternity than it is to let it get out and do something? These questions will take lots of pondering and consultation with other entities.

Even with those questions left unanswered, I am still actively pursuing the methods I will use for binding. It will be a while before I am ready to do my first one, but I can see it coming in the distance.

Ghosts and wise guys…

Last week I posted about feeling like I was going crazy, and then I posted about how it was confirmed that I was actually feeling something. Well, it turns out that this particular saga did not end with those two posts.

Thursday evening, while sneaking out on a date with my wife, she reluctantly told me that something strange happened the night before. Now, I know none of you know my wife, but when she says something happened, it happened. She has never been very open about her abilities (even with me), and has never given me any reason to doubt her about these things. So when she told me that something happened in that certain reluctant-combined-with-worry tone she gets, I listened very closely.

She said that she was visited in the night by ‘something’. She was already having a hard time sleeping, so she noticed the entity right away. It got really close to her, stared her in the eyes, and implanted a message. She sensed that this was a horribly malevolent being, so she remained still throughout the entire visit. The second visit that night was just the same entity standing in the corner of the room, staring at her for a couple of minutes. The really odd part about the encounter is that it gave her a warning about me, and the direction I’m heading with my magic.

When she told me the exact message, it reminded me of the old mob movies I used to see: “Your husband betta’ pay some protection money soon, it would be a shame if somethin’ terrible happened to his barber shop.“

In all seriousness though, it does bring a few big questions to mind. Why would a malevolent spirit just decide to ‘pop in’ at night and deliver a friendly warning about me? That doesn’t make one damn lick of sense. I consulted the cards about the message that he delivered, and they said that there was major deception involved in it, which is hardly surprising. So then I have to ask myself: Which of my current magic projects could illicit such a response? My mind instantly went to my research into spirit binding.

I’m still in the early stages, and will still be a while developing everything I need to actually complete the process for the first time, but it’s the only thing I can think of that would cause concern to a non-corporeal being. The good news (at least to me) is that I consider the warning a big indicator that I’m on the right track. The bad news is that I’m apparently being watched, and that the element of surprise I was hoping for has been lost. The nice thing about what I’m designing is that I can do it without any surprise needed. I just really like to keep my cards close to the chest until I’m ready to play them.

I don’t plan to change one damn thing that I do because of the warning. I think the ‘warning’ is just additional confirmation that there is too much potential there to leave it alone.

The wonderful Christmas [tarot] cards…

What does a non-Christian do on Christmas Day? This year I ate Chinese food and read tarot cards. And not just any readings, these were readings for my Catholic brother-in-law.

He had never been exposed to the cards, or anything outside of a church for that matter, so this was quite a treat for both of us. It was a fairly tame reading; I let him ask the questions and steer the nature of the topics we explored. They were all fairly mundane and involved the usual questions about career, money, and love. That is, until my beautiful wife started yapping about what the cards could really do.

She told him about my previous dream reading that I did for her, and he wanted the same thing. And, in a similar manner to what my wife did, he refused to divulge any information to me whatsoever. The entire question was, “What was the meaning of the dream that I had last night? “ Well, shit. It’s nice to have a little bit of context in what you’re doing, as it makes it a hell of a lot easier to sift through all the possible meanings and come up with something concrete and relevant. But, just like my previous one, I had nothing at all to go on. I warned him that these kinds of readings can take me a while, so he sat patiently while I mulled over the cards and tried to come up with a stream of meaning in the seemingly random collection of cards that were laid out before me.

I finally gave him my interpretation of the cards and his eyes got wide, and he announced that I nailed it, and what I said made perfect sense; almost too much sense. But, I was left with a problem: unlike my wife, he wouldn’t divulge the dream. Apparently it was something very personal to him, and he didn’t want me to know what it was about in any way. And, unlike my wife’s reading, I was presented with meaning instead of content, so I still don’t have a good idea what the damn thing was about.

It’s not like his dream is any of my business, but finding out what it is helps me find out if there was any information that I missed or discarded as irrelevant that should have been included. There was one piece I left out of my wife’s reading (because it seemed to be just too bizarre to be correct) that turned out to be spot on, but I would not have learned that lesson without her divulging the information.

So, it was a good session. I got to open his eyes to a totally different world of possibilities, and he came away with information that he was desirous of and found very valuable. I would have preferred that additional chance to learn and grow after my mind-meltingly difficult dream reading, but it was worth doing just to show him that there are forces available to us that are well beyond what you can learn at church.

IO Chaos!

Independent verification…

Sweet, sweet independent verification. It makes you feel SO damn sane sometimes.
Part of what has been bothering me lately is I have been feeling an increased amount of negative energy around me. Instances of it have lasted a lot longer than they ever have before, so I started questioning what was causing it. One of my sensitive acquaintances hadn’t said anything, and I really wanted independent verification of what I was feeling. Being the person that brings it up makes you wonder if mentioning it just made people think that there was something going on, or perhaps it was hardly noticeable until you brought it to their attention.

This has been growing slowly stronger over the past couple weeks, and kind of came to a head yesterday. With all sorts of negative energy beating on me, it made me wonder if maybe there really was something wrong with me. And then last night it happened. Out of nowhere, “I think there’s something with us right now. “ I haven’t heard those words in months, and they never sounded sweeter to my ears. That opened up the conversation about what has been happening over the past few weeks and I felt much more sane by the end of the conversation.

I’m not sure how many of you are sensitive to energies/spirits/whatever, but it seems to manifest itself differently in people I know that experience them. My wife’s sensations all show up in her stomach, like some sort of wacky ethereal flu. Negative energies hit me almost like an anxiety/paranoia issue. It’s not that I feel anxious about anything specific, or even have any paranoid thoughts, but it seems to have that same physical effect if you took all the emotions out. Does that make sense?

Anyway, all of this activity is heavier than I have ever felt in this area, with just one exception. So that makes me wonder where all of this is coming from. My first idea is that this doesn’t seem random as it has been increasing over time. It hasn’t been just some fluke encounter, it’s been repeated and the intensity increased. This could mean it’s an entity with interest in me, or someone around me. I’m not so damn narcissistic that I think it all has to be about me.

Another idea is that the problems in the ether (link, link) are clearing up because something is being ejected into a more tangible form. I hope that idea isn’t true because it has all sorts of wild ramifications.

[Right as I got to this point in writing this post, I had to speak with a co-worker and use the restroom. While sitting on my porcelain pondering throne, I figured it out.]

Screw my other ideas, I know exactly why this is happening. Part of Chaos Magic is learning to push things from conscious desires into subconscious thoughts. It’s that subconscious part of the mind that doesn’t have to operate within the same rules as our conscious minds, so it can actually do magic. The problem with becoming advanced in this technique is it works really well, and you may forget entirely that you have cast a spell until it manifests. This is one of those times.

The energies that I am feeling right now are of my own creation. That also explains why they felt like a problem inside of myself instead of external energies. I didn’t notice them first arriving because, as a manifestation of my will, I’m already comfortable with them being around, I’m just not used to the intensity or sheer amount of energy that has been around.

So, there you go. I finally have it figured out. In fact, I figured it out in the middle of this post. I’m sure I could rewrite this post a bit so it doesn’t read so abruptly, but this is how real life works. You ponder something and then you get that “Ah ha! “ moment in which everything become clear.

I can’t imagine how powerful this thing would be if I used blood. *shudder*

The conundrum of mental health…

I’m noticing a strange trend. When you’re a happy Christian, everyone things you’re this really grounded, wonderful person. Once they find out that you’re anything else, they try to slap psychiatric labels on you.

The moment you come in contact with something outside of meditation you’re a Schizoid. Don’t fit well in a group of people? Schizotypal. Don’t give a shit if others approve of what you do? Narcissistic. Don’t bind yourself to Christian ideals? Antisocial.

The real kicker is, they want you take pills so you can conform to their ideals. If you don’t you’re Paranoid, which is just another reason you should take their pills.
Yeah, I know I have some issues going on, but damn…choice of religion is not an illness, it’s a right. Working really hard to make spiritual progress and breakthroughs isn’t hallucinatory, it’s a result.

I said it on Twitter the other day, and I’ll repeat it here: Just because you can’t hear the voices doesn’t mean they aren’t speaking.

If it’s something that bothers you or can bring to yourself or others: seek treatment and play by the rules of your medical team. If they just don’t like the way you live your life: tell them to fuck off.

The training still goes on…slowly…

Totally not me.

When I first read the Liber KKK I remember wondering why it said that it would take a person at least a year to complete the training. And, now I know. Part of it is life getting in the way, and I think another part of it is becoming comfortable with what you’ve done. Even in the early parts of the training you start to see the potential of the practice, and it makes you want to try other little experiments. And then those lead to other ideas and the progression towards the end of the training slows to a crawl.

These delays have been good learning experiences, and have taught me some of the boundaries I should be careful with, without being large, dangerous spells. I feel bad about not updating this site more often, but it seems difficult when things just become a way of life, rather than a special event when you do them.

One of the things I’m finding frustrating is a total lack of spiritual activity at my new house. My old one had some minor activity, but it was enough to keep the senses sharp and the intuition well-practiced. My new house is just devoid of anything. Once in a while there is a fleeting something that wanders through, but that’s it. Nothing sustained or familiar. Those old interactions were an interesting part of my learning. The forces in the area would react differently depending on what I was doing, and at times would serve as a warning that I was doing something wrong. I’m just glad I had them there for my formative months with magic.

That’s all for now. I look at this site every day, I just don’t always know what to write about. Feel free to drop me an email/twitter/comment if you have anything you would like me to cover.

Until then: Cast hard, sleep well.

Sorry, you’re just wrong.

Stop writing shit like you ‘get it’. Don’t know what I’m talking about? Check this shit out:

“[Chaos Magic] is beginning to crystallize into one more specific way of creating magic spells. “ – How to Do Chaos Magic |

Wrong. Sorry, you’re just totally and inexcusably wrong. If you read even just a few pages of literature on Chaos Magic, you’ll realize how entirely asinine that statement is. I did laugh at the part about how to “do “ Chaos Magic. Again, read some shit, and there are no rules. It’s the same reason that sigils are often presented as the whole of chaos magic. They are a cool and useful concept, but they are not required in any way within Chaos. In fact, I have found they are only useful for very specific applications, and even that may vary for another caster.

I guess it just irks me that anyone would present Chaos as a ëspecific way’ of doing anything. The whole point is that it’s not a specific way.

Perhaps it’s good that bad information like this exists. Anyone who would search eHow for how to do magic(k) is a danger to themselves and should be kept away from the truth.