Followup to the unnamed blog post…

In a previous post about some communication I seem to be getting from elsewhere, Katie-Ellen Hazeldine asked:
What does your tarot say to you about this this experience? I’m not asking you to share here, especially if you sense a work in progress, just wondering if divination might help you unpack this perception.

That is a fine question, and now that I’m done moving and have all of my equipment setup again, I can spend the time to figure out the answer to that question. For some reason, I don’t remember to ask the cards about a lot of things. I have been very careful about not using them for silly matters, so sometimes I forget to use them for the information that they can provide best.
Here is what the cards say about the nature of the information that I am getting:
The information that I’m receiving is true. It’s some sort of force that is currently sleeping, waiting to put us all into servitude. The entity is the embodiment of hatred, wrath, war, and destruction, and seeks to force us all to conform to its will.It is an overwhelmingly powerful force that will come at a time of mankind’s greatest weakness. It will imprison us with its will, and we should be very, very afraid.

That should give the Illuminati/NWO theorists something to gnaw on for a bit.

For some reason I’m still a bit timid about putting what i have received so far on here. Why? I have no idea. There is just a little voice inside of me that says not to let the information out yet. The cards say that it is smart to not let the information out until the information is complete. They also say that I need a person whom I can trust to discuss the information with.
Hopefully I’ll have time for some much needed meditation tonight and I’ll see if I gain any insight into the information. Especially why I get this information while fully awake and doing random things. It’s not even communication during meditation or ritual, it’s intrusive and many times inconvenient.

I’m finally back…for the moment…

After a long couple of days traveling to Baltimore and back, I’m finally back at my desk. Sadly, I will be taking next week off to move, so the updates will be sparse, if they even happen at all. I’m hoping that I can get my office setup first so I can take a few minutes out of my day to post and keep up with things.

Not terribly much happened while I was gone. The two-hour time shift threw my system out of whack, especially with the long days involved, so I spent most of my free time writing notes about the conference and sleeping. The good news is that the last of my Sorcery Divination predictions were tested while I was gone, and they all happened exactly as planned. Instead of the slap-and-tickle stuff that so many people do, i decided to put forward some ‘yes or no’ predictions that couldn’t be swayed by interpretation. Things like: will this person be at the conference this year, etc… Thanks to my bound and enchanted tarot deck, I hit my predictions 100%. I told my wife all of the predictions before we left so she could keep me in check, and so there was no silliness involved in keeping score.

It really helps my faith in the cards to put them to the test every now and then. I know they can’t be 100% accurate because of the nature of how magick works, but it sure is nice to be able to knock one out of the park every now and then.

In unrelated news: My jinx still exists. I’ve been to dozens of Angels games and have never been to one where they have won. I saw the game at Camden on Saturday, and (sadly) I’m still at 100% with the bad luck. Oh well. A night at the park is still fun whether you win or lose.

The weekly wrap-up…

I leave tomorrow for Baltimore, so I figured I’d write a bit of a summary as to where things sit right now.

Currently i’m just embarking on the Shamanism portion of the Liber KKK. I finally have a plan for what I’m going to do for my first round of conjuration too. To take care of a little situation in my workplace I’m going to step back to Sorcery and create a new fetish. This fetish will be designed as a trickster, so the final form will be a sculpture of either a coyote or Puck. After the fetish is successfully created, I’m going to do some Shamanic Evocation work to unleash the little guy on my adversary. This will be followed-up with Shamanistic Enchantment to help his perception of the trickster, and add a little bit of paranoia for him into the mix. This situation will also be a good time for me to practice Shamanistic Divination to see how well I can predict the outcome, or at least milestones, in this part of the training. I’m not sure how much I will get done during my extended absence, especially while I’m out of town and separated from my tools, but there should be time for some quality meditation thrown in there.

All that being said, I will try my best to post over the next couple of weeks, but no guarantees. Time will be short, the work will be hard, and my access to decent technology will be limited.

It’s a good thing I don’t believe in karma…

I’m a very gentile person. I don’t generally like to harm animals unless they are going to be my dinner, and I don’t intentionally hurt others without good cause. While I understand that “good cause “ is something that we all must decide for ourselves, I generally set the bar very high for myself. That being said, I’m going to start the process of making someone’s life a little more interesting than it used to be.

I understand that capitalism is a dog-eat-dog concept. I’ve lived in it my entire life, and I’ve come to enjoy the game of competition amongst those who would try and outdo me in the workplace. The problem I’m facing now is a bias against one of my department colleagues, and it is effecting the perception of our entire group within the company. The enemy has lied and manipulated the situation, so that means I don’t have to fight fair either. While my goal is not to utterly destroy my opponent, it is my intention to expose him for the slime-ball that he is, and have company-wide opinion of him reflect what he really is.

The trick is, I need to formulate a plan to go about making all of this happen with all of the Sorcery and Shamanism tools at my disposal. I figure I just need to conjure up something really annoying that is going to keep him distracted. Why? Because it’s hard as hell to maintain a really good stack of lies. It’s usually like a house of cards; remove one, and the rest come falling down. I think I may need to create a new fetish. Some sort of small, quick animal that I can send out with a bit of Shamanistic Evocation to gremlin a few things for me.
Don’t worry, I’m not going to try and smite the guy or anything…at least not yet. I enjoy watching people go into a tailspin when it’s all because of the lies that they have sown. And, if it doesn’t work, I’ll be an Exec. VP in 5 – 7, and I’ll just embarrass him in front of the BoD. I’ll win either way…trust me.

The unnamed blog post…

I don’t know what the heck I should name this blog post. So, it shall be officially unnamed. That being said, let’s move on to more interesting business.

First, a little bit of housekeeping. I have family in town so that might make my posting schedule for the rest of the week a bit wonky. Secondly, I’m leaving for a business trip on Saturday, and I won’t return until very late on Tuesday. Expect no posts. Even Wednesday could be an issue because I will be out of my office for most of the day. So, don’t think I’ve given up on journaling my progress, the rest of my life will just pull me away for the majority of a week. The week after, I’m moving, so no guarantees as to the regularity or timing of posts either. Yeah…it could be a couple of weeks of silliness before things get back to a steady rhythm again.

In other news: I’m working on something kind of strange right now. Yes, strange even for me. I seem to be getting some messages from somewhere else. Where? I have no idea. Are they real? They might not be. I could be hallucinating, I could be having some residual effect from my dreams/meditation, or it’s a possibility that my mind is just being creative in ways that I’m not used to. Now that the skeptical part of me has flowed out of my system, there are other possibilities too. It could be a spirit, it could be divination, or it could be some psychic leakage from someone.

What I’m getting so far is a very dark message. It seems there is a force that thinks it is going to take control of the world, yet it knows of its own fall from power. It also seems to know where the cause of its fall from power will come from. How odd is that? It’s all a bit cryptic, so I don’t really understand everything. A lot of it seems to be metaphor, and those get a bit tricky to interpret. So, perhaps it’s just the ramblings of an unsuspecting madman, or perhaps its something more. Who knows? I figured that I would see how long this lasts, and collect what I can before I post it. I don’t see a point in putting it out there if I have to keep adding on to it constantly.

The great conundrum…

I’m facing a bit of a problem and I can’t figure out how to solve it.  The problem is that different parts of me are in control at different times, and I can’t seem to reconcile the differences between them.

During my days I am a hard-working, creative person; I work non-stop from the time I get to the office to the time I get home, and I produce more deliverable content than anyone thought possible when this position was created for me.  I’m anti-social, but this comes from a combination of factors.  The first being that I get massive social anxiety when I have to deal with more than one person at a time.  The second part to it is that I am here to produce, not to make small-talk with people on the company dime.  The work ethic and the lack of social interaction outside my department turns me into a highly-celebrated production machine that is constantly shifting our paradigm of what we can achieve and how fast we can do it.  This carries into my personal life where I play hard, laugh hard, love hard, and sleep hard.  It has always been my way, and I’m entirely accustomed to it.

The problem is that when I start meditating, this portion of my personality completely disappears.  It’s just…gone.  While this makes meditation an amazing way to relax, it creates a bit of a problem when trying to use my meditative states for the purposes of magick.  Once I get into a deep enough state to create beings, animate fetishes, and all that other wonderful stuff, I just don’t care to do it any more.  All I want to do is sit in my sacred place and relax.  I have to consciously make myself stop at the end of my sessions, or I would just sit there, indefinitely, in a meditative state.  So my new quest becomes giving myself the will to act on my will while meditating.  It even sounds kind of silly when you think about it.  I’m contemplating using some of the Sorcery methods that I learned in the first part of the training to see if I can get my will a bit more in focus.

This also brings up a reminder about magick:  Be careful what you wish for.

I never used to get this deep, so I never had to worry about this situation.  But, since I have made my meditation enchantment, I have been able to get into states so deep that I have a hard time wanting to come out of them.  I would never think of destroying my meditation enchantment, but I will have to do some work to maintain a level of control and intent while I’m in those deepened states.

Lots and lots of meditation…

Over the weekend I had a bit of a break from restoring my new house while the finish on the floor cured.  I spent the time with family, eating bad food, watching football, and (of course) meditating.  I’ve been working on my meditation fairly steadily as I move into the shamanism portion of the Liber KKK; just trying to get into really deep states on a regular basis to help me with related conjurations.

While meditating last night, I had an animal visitor while I was sitting in my sacred place.  He was a little black and white cat, probably about 2/3 grown, and was very friendly.  I’ve always had an affinity for cats over other animals.  Their independence and selective affection works very well with my personality, unlike dogs who need constant affection every moment of their day.  The little guy came up to me while I was just sitting and relaxing and rubbed on my leg.  I gave him some affection at a little treat and he settled into my lap while I laid back and enjoyed the peace of my special time.

Does this encounter mean anything?  Hell if I know.  I enjoy cats so it’s a possibility that my subconscious just created him to help my enjoyment of my sacred place.  He could be some sort of symbolic message or guide, but that will become clear in time.  If he becomes a recurring guest in my sessions, then I will have to figure out some sort of purpose or meaning for him, but until then I’ll just enjoy the company.

As i left my sacred place last night he didn’t try to follow me.  He just sat and watched me leave.  If he turns out to be some sort of spirit guide, I will be surprised but accepting.  I always figured a spirit guide was some sort of grand, powerful symbol of our ideal selves, not an adorable adolescent house cat.  But, as I’m finding out throughout this entire journey, things are what they are, and I really don’t have much control over them.

Reflections on sorcery…

Now that I have completed the Sorcery section of my training and am preparing myself to move on towards Shamanism, I figured it would be a good time to reflect on the Sorcery experience as a whole.

I can understand why Carroll wanted beginners to start with Sorcery.  It’s a very mechanical, physical approach to magick.  Since we are all so bound to the physical, it gives the beginner a great place to start, and something tangible to work with.  That tangibility helps to connect us with our intent the way we are most connected to our reality.

The only complaint I have about the Sorcery part of the training, is the part that makes it so great for beginners:  the tangibility.  The problem I find with it being so tangible, is that others can see what you’re doing as well.  Curious fingers can get in and stir around in your workings.  While there may not be any malice involved, just pure curiosity, there is something immediately sacred about the objects that are constructed.  At least in my experience, when someone messes with a fetish or enchantment it feels like they are far too deep inside your personal space.

Don’t get me wrong, I understand that anything physical has that potential, it was just a bit of an abrupt wakeup the first time I walked into the kitchen and someone was handling Socrates.  Part of that stems from knowing that people have no idea what they’re touching, and I really don’t want to be the one that has to explain it to them.

Luckily, my new home will have a lot more private place for me to display my creations while keeping them out of harm’s way.  Good thing I’m almost done with the renovations.  Only two weeks until we move!

To share, or not to share…

As as Liber KKK instructs, I am keeping records of what I do in my training.  One part of that record is this blog, and another part is the grimoire that I’m currently building.  The grimoire is where I am recording all of the successful techniques that I am developing, and any other pertinent information that I glean along the way.  The question that I am facing is this:  When I am done with my training, should I share this information with others?

The part of me that says ëno’ to the idea thinks that I should keep my magickal workings secret for a couple of reasons.  The first is, if people don’t know what I’m doing, it makes it harder for them to counter my efforts.  The other, louder part of me says that I shouldn’t confuse people with my workings, because they could hinder them on their own path.  As far as countering my magick goes, it is a matter of countering my will, not countering my conjuration processes.  So, that argument is easily discounted.  The second argument I have with myself is not quite so easy to brush away.

Being no exception myself, people are inherently lazy.  If they can read something that gives them instructions, they will gladly follow it rather than learning for themselves.  I’m not saying this is a bad trait, it’s just the way it is.  If I’m going to change the brakes on my car, it’s a lot easier to look up how to do it than it is to figure it out as I go.  The problem is that magick is about the journey, and less about the end result.  Even if people are focused on the result, the journey is what will let you achieve your goal.  If I put out information on the specifics of how I work my conjurations, I’m afraid that others will just mimic them rather than searching for practices that are meaningful and powerful to them.  I do things differently than most other people do, but because I have made that customized set of practices, even my early results are very powerful.

What I want for others is for them to find their own path of practice, and not simply copy what anyone else has done.  Luckily, it will be a while before my grimoire is completed, so I can ponder the answer until I’m truly comfortable with the decision I make.

Things are getting a bit awkward…

As I move forward in my training, the one thing I notice more than anything else is that I’m starting to build belief in the process.  This belief has changed my outlook on life very dramatically, and it is becoming quite difficult to keep my mouth shut at times.

A little bit of history about me:  I was raised in a loosely Christian household.  We went to a Methodist church, which is about as loose as you can get and still be a Christian denomination, and God/Jesus were not really talked about as a part of our daily lives.  We never talked about religion, we never said grace; I guess other than the fact that we went to church on Sunday, you never would have guessed we had any religious beliefs at all.  My dad was the primary reason we went to church.  It was something he grew up doing on Sundays, and he figured it would be good for us to be exposed to it.  My mom’s side of the family never went to church or spoke about religion that I can remember.  My grandmother and grandfather were immigrants, and were very secretive about everything that had to do with their homelands.

A couple of years after my mother died our church got very internally political so we stopped going, and never went back.  It made no difference in my belief system at all.  I never believed anything they said at church, so I really didn’t have any faith or belief to move away from.  It eventually evolved from apathy to atheism, which fit me just fine, and lasted me well into my mid-twenties.  In my mid-twenties I decided that I wanted to be a part of something, so I hooked up with the local Catholic church and went through their RCIA program.  Why the Catholics?  Well, there were a couple of reasons.  First, I liked the fact that their services were very respectful and didn’t have people flailing about like the evangelical jackasses do.  The other thing that I really like is most of the people were very, very active in practicing what they preached.  I know other areas may be different, but in our community the Catholic church parishioners do tons of excellent stuff.  Despite my changing beliefs, I still know many of them and respect what they do for people in our area.

Being a part of this group had me doing missionary work inside of our state prison, playing and writing music for services, and volunteering where I was needed on a regular basis.  I had a good time, I enjoyed the people, and I liked the work we did.  So what was the problem?  I didn’t believe any of it.  I spoke a good game and I even walked in the path, but inside I knew it was all garbage.  Hell, I was even really, really good at apologetics, even if I didn’t agree with them at all.  I eventually parted ways with the church and went back to my original mixture of apathy and atheism.  It served me well until I had an interesting experience.

I had heard of EVPs for years and had just written them off as rubbish.  Then, I had an opportunity to go hunting for EVPs.  I decided that if I was going to go, I was going to debunk them.  It was my duty as a rational human being.  So, for the hunt I bought all new equipment, new media, and kept them under my strict control until the time of the hunt.  I was within visual range of every piece of equipment during our outing, and to my surprise we got a really clear EVP.  The truly shocking part is that it came off of my recorder.  I know that nobody tampered with it because it never left my sight.  I controlled everything through the experiment, and we got one anyway.

This made me think that there were things I couldn’t explain out there, and being a knowledge seeker (almost to a fault), I decided to learn more about what was out there, and the ideas surrounding them.  To be honest, most of what I have found is total crap.  I wouldn’t give you a nickel for more of the information that’s out there.  Getting a hippie high, rubbing stones on his nipples, and treating what he says as gospel is even more unreliable than mainstream religion; and that is very, very sad.  I’m glad that some people are fulfilled by that stuff, because it makes me giggle and then want to throw up.

The primary reason that I am drawn to Chaos is because I can control the input and record the output.  Are the results a placebo effect?  Could be.  Do I care?  Nope.  For me, it works.  There is no dogma, there are no rules, there is nothing but the way you choose to affect your reality.

I’m becoming so comfortable in it that I find myself taking little jabs at other religious groups, at times even to their faces.  I try to be respectful, and I’m really, truly happy for those of you that find comfort in other traditions, but you just can’t hop around and jabber at people like they agree with you.  Outside of this blog, I will never be the guy that brings up religion, but if you start trying to flail me with your beliefs I will do what I need to get you to stop.  I’m not usually overtly rude, I just like to stymie people a bit because it tends to shut them up long enough for me to escape.  I laughed out loud at a guy who ran up to me and declared that Jesus loves me.  He stopped dead in his tracks and just looked confused.  An evangelist accosted me in the occult section of our local Barnes & Noble and asked me if I knew Jesus.  I simply told him that I knew all about him, but I was more of a Batman fan.  As he stood there, mouth agape, I just walked away and went about my business.

I’m not in this to torment people, to turn their faith, or even to make them question what they believe.  I just want people to leave me the hell alone.  When asked what religion I am I usually say,  “I’m something different. “  When pressed I usually just tell them that the specifics are not important and I move on to something more pleasant.  If people ask at the office, I just tell them that religion and politics are two things that I refuse to discuss at work.  It usually works just fine, and people let me go on my merry way.  It’s the ones that insist on being a part of my personal life that get messed with, but only to the point of creating an opportunity for me to exit.

In some areas of this country there is true religious freedom, where I person could walk around with a ëHail Satan’ shirt on and not get into an altercation.  In rural America, that’s not the case.  Christian beliefs are embedded into government and businesses, and there isn’t one thing anybody can do about it.  They know the rules, and they know how to have things happen behind the scenes so it is very discreet, and there are too few people in our community for you to get away with being a whistleblower.  My strategy is to do my homework so I can fit in when I need to, and it has served me well.  I can be what I need to be at any time to get ahead.  For those of you who haven’t tried it, invocation can be one of the most powerful forms of magick available.

Remember:  Nothing is true, everything is permitted.