The new evocation is complete…

The eagle has landed.

Although I’m still struggling with a name for my creation, my new evocation is complete.  As you may recall from my earlier post, I sculpted an eagle to represent my will to have my vision improved in areas like seeing auras, spirits, and other such phenomena.  The fact that the eagle is a predator was no mistake either.  Without going into details, I’ll just say that there are times when a person may want to pursue a specific entity.

The sculpture was complete and fully hardened last night, so I decided to paint him with acrylics, instead of the watercolors I used with only mild success on my illumination lamp.  Unlike the sculpting process, I actually used a reference to help me mix the colors that I would need.  The beak of an eagle is an interesting golden brown, and even the white areas have hints of other little colors in them.  Paint mixing is always a chore since I only have a set of primaries plus black and white.  It can be difficult to mix enough of a custom color for a large project, but with this being such a small bust, I wasn’t concerned about paint quantity, only color quality.

I painted him using the methods that I learned when I used to paint miniatures.  Start with a base coat, wash for shadows, drybrush for highlights.  Since those days I have gained some additional skills in painting, so highlighting and color blending are much easier than they were in the old days.

After the main part of the painting was complete, I retired to my private space to bind him to me.  I had a nice round of meditation, a short conversation with my new ally, and anointed him with my blood.  Here’s a tip to all of you out there that are thinking about using some blood in your magic:  Sharpen your knife.  Seriously.  A dull Athame is not your friend when you have no existing wounds to reopen.  I had to make a fresh wound and there was just no good way to do it with that thing.  I ended up having to dig the tip into my leg until I cut a small part of the epidermis, then I had to go into the same spot sideways, get under the existing cut, and start trying to pop through the flesh until it started bleeding enough to use.  It felt more like I was using a bat than a knife.  I will say though, when you have to go through all of that to complete your ritual, it means you really want it.

So, another evocation is complete.  Once I have a name for the little guy he’ll be a little bit happier, and that’s always a good thing.  He and my other two fetishes will enjoy the new place I’m making for them in the office of my new home.  If I ever get the floor in the living room finished, I can set up the office before I even move in.

My Sorcery Invocation is going to happen soon, I just have to figure out a couple more details.  Then it will be time to start the Shamanic part of the training, and I’ll get to feel more connected with my druidic heritage.

My involuntary consciousness shift…

On my drive home from work last night, I had a really strange experience.  My commute is only about 10 minutes long, so there really isn’t time to do anything other than drive.  I’ve never had a problem drifting off, even when I was extremely fatigued, and I was nowhere near tired when I was coming home last night.  Just after I drove over the railroad tracks, it happened.  I had a consciousness split.

I know that everyone is different, so my experiences with meditation are most likely quite varied from what others have been through.  It has only happened a few times, but when I get into a nice, deep state with my meditation, I get a feeling like my body is lifting away from my body.  This is the state where I can detach my consciousness and do things like astral projection, or I can just leave it there and it just feels like I’ve been separated from every concern, stress, or other problem I’ve ever had.  It is a state where I control my own thoughts entirely.   I can truly empty my mind, or I can think with a single stream, not with the traditional cacophony of thoughst that fly through every second.  After my meditation time is up, I feel almost a bit physically numb, entirely relaxed, and sometimes even a bit tingly.  The clear thoughts and mental state last for a little while too, which helps me carry that state of calm and relaxation into the remainder of my day.  I call that sensation of being separated from your body, while still being fully aware of it, and the other thoughts that are still running through the physical mind, a consciousness split.  I have heard it called dual consciousness, but that creates problems with the work of Frantz Fanon.

So, this split happened totally involuntarily while I was driving.  At the time it happened, I was thinking about a strategy to match stain colors on the portion of floor I am refinishing at my new house. Then it happened in a single moment; there was no warning, no odd sensations, nothing.  I just split.

It took me a moment to realize it had happened, as my etheric form (Astral body?  Meditation form?) instinctively slipped into relaxation mode.  When I realized what happened I was concerned for my own safety, as sitting in a chair meditating is a far cry from driving a country road at 50 mph.  I realized that my physical body still had full control over the car, it was paying perfect attention, and my etheric body could hear all the thoughts rolling through the physical body, even though it was somehow separated.  I could see myself driving, even though I could still see the road with my physical body.  I checked my pulse to make sure everything was ok, and I had a nice, slow, steady pulse.  Just like I have when I meditate.

I know it might be a bit hard to read, but it is so difficult to describe the experience of a split with normal words.  You are fully aware of your etheric self, and all the senses and thoughts that it has, and you are fully aware of your physical body at the exact same time.  You can control either one, simultaneously if you want, as they are entirely separate, almost autonomous, parts of you, and yet they are linked to where either can experience wholly what the other one is doing.

I have never had a split happen spontaneously before, and I never would have suspected one while shifting through five gears on a manual transmission and thinking about wood floor refinishing.  With all of the Liber KKK training I have been doing, my meditation is used more for conjuration activation and charging, and less for relaxation and exploration of the ether.  With the creation of my meditation enchantment, the time required for me to get to the state where I split has been reduced a lot, but I never thought it could happen entirely at random.  I guess that goes to show you how powerful these items can be.  I will keep that in mind as I make future enchantments, as some effects could be dangerous if they were to manifest at random.  With the dual control I have, I welcome the unplanned split at any time.  In fact, I had a meeting yesterday where I would have had a way better time if I could have left my physical body there to take care of things.

Updates and thoughts…

I added a few links to the resources page today.  I’m trying really hard to continually update it as I find interesting articles, resources and other information.  Here is what was added:

* ChaosMatrix.org  – A ridiculously complete collection of spells, theory , and other information related to Chaos.

* Kaos Magick Journal  – Volume 1 No. 2  – An awesome piece on Chaos.

* Kaos Magick Journal  – Volume 2 No. 1 – Yet another awesome piece on Chaos.

ChaosMatrix.org has tons of interesting and useful stuff on it, and it also has some of the lighter side of Chaos Magic.  So many people seem to take themselves too seriously, which cracks me up because it seems a bit contrary to the nature of understanding Chaos.  If nothing is true, then why sweat so much over it?

The second set of links are to a newsletter I found while googling random topics about Chaos.  They have really interesting articles, some about practices, some about more IOT related topics, but they are a fun read.  One of the nice parts about Chaos is I don’t have to care about the personal interjections and beliefs if I don’t want to.  A lot of Chaotes head down a totally different path than I have taken, which is fine, I just really don’t want to head that way.  I’ve never been one to believe in a god, let alone a whole pantheon of them.  My  “fake it till you make it “ techniques are designed around Peter Carrollës information which allows for the free-form use of energies, or even god-forms of our own creation.

“…there is always a perfectly adequate amount of sex, violence, love, intellectual brilliance, death, and everything else going on in the world at any time for the magician to establish etheric resonance with, if one wishes to work in a more free-form manner. “

“Thus Chaoism proclaims the death and re∑ birth of the gods. Our subconscious creativity and parapsychological powers are more than adequate to create or destroy any god or self or demon or other spiritual entity that we may choose to invest or disinvest belief in, at least for ourselves and sometimes others as well. “

So many Chaotes flit about acting like dark pagans rather than the arbiters of reality that they really are. Am I one of the few that is actually spending the time to really learn this stuff? I have had a few conversations with people online that initially claimed to be well-practiced Chaotes, but when I tried to discuss some of the deeper questions I had, they admitted to only having done sigils in their practice. Not that there is anything wrong with a sigil, I happen to think they are an awesome tool to have in our arsenal, but they are not the whole of Chaos Magic.

But, I digress. Enjoy the resources that I have updated on the page, but remember this: Take everything with a grain of salt, even the crap that I post. Make every decision for yourself and you’ll be a better off in all the areas of your life.

Some much needed relaxation…

By the time I got home from work last night I was sporting a major headache.  The stress has been piling up lately, and I guess it just decided to manifest itself in an annoying way.  I didn’t have a good way to take care of it with anything but a couple acetaminophen while my daughter was awake, but once she went to bed it was relaxation time.

By the time she went to sleep it was moving towards a migraine.  My head was just crippling, I had sound and light sensitivity, and it was painful enough to start making me feel ill.  In the old days I would have piled a few excedrin into the system, but I’m off the aspirin (and derivatives) for a long, long time.

So what was the grand solution?  True Blood and an Amberbock.  I got the second dvd of season 3 in the mail so I popped it in, turned off the lights, sat in my comfy chair, and sucked down some suds.  After the first episode I was feeling improved but not better, but by the end of the second episode I was right as rain.

So, what’s the point of this post?  It’s this: Take care of yourself.  Everything can wait a day if it really has to.  The Liber KKK is still here for me today, even though I didn’t do one damn thing to further myself in it last night.  My Tarot cards don’t hate me for not being used for an evening, my unpainted conjuration won’t be any less powerful, and Christians still hate me.

As simple as the advice may sound, it’s only really recently that I have come to put any of it into practice.  It’s one of the reasons my illumination lamp lives in my smoking lounge.  It’s there to remind me when I need a break to evaluate how big the break needs to be.  It does it’s just very well.  I was having a smoke last night, head pounding, and was looking at my little creation and I decided that I would kill the entire evening, without guilt, and just piss it away on relaxation.

Do the same.  We all need a break sometimes.

The new evocation…

With a much needed break in the madness of daily life, I decided to start another evocation last night.  My intent for this spell is to craft a fetish that will help my vision.  Not necessarily my normal vision, but the vision that our body uses to see things a bit out of the normal; like auras, spirits, and other such things.

After a lot of thought over the last couple of days, I decided to sculpt an eagle’s head.  The eagle has always been known for its sharp vision, and since a sharpening of my etherial vision is my intent, I thought it would be an appropriate representation.  Last night I did the clay work and fired it in the oven, so tonight I will start painting it with acrylics.  I hope to have it done before the weekend as I will have more time then to go through the process of imbuing it with energy and binding it to me.

The use of blood in magic…

The magic community seems to have a very large divide in opinion about the use of blood in magic.  Some people think it should be used sparingly as it can be dangerously powerful, others believe that it shouldn’t be used at all because it instantly opens up your spells to some sort of dark power.  I have my own philosophy about the use of blood, which is still being developed by testing and observation.

I had only a little bit of experience with magic before I started my training with the Liber KKK.  It mostly involved sigils with a bit of circle magic stirred into the mix.  I always wondered with this type of magic if the incorporation of blood would be a beneficial thing, and how one would even work it into the process effectively.  I slowly started to test the effects of sigils with and without the use of blood, and I noticed that my blood sigils tended to be more likely to succeed, and with a greater effect than my normal sigils.

As I started training with the Liber KKK I decided to work blood into my conjurations wherever I felt appropriate, and also the other methods I had learned to charge sigils effectively.  I guess that’s one of the things I really enjoy about Chaos magic, Carroll doesn’t give a lot of guidance, so you are forced to take your own beliefs and practices and use them to create your own personally distinct style of magic.  It just so happens that my personal style of magic uses blood in nearly every conjuration I do.

I strongly believe that if the blood isn’t yours, don’t bother using it.  According to my beliefs, the whole reason to use blood is to commit to the outcome of your intent with a sacrifice.  What have you sacrificed if you are using someone else’s blood?  Nothing.  Even if they willingly donate it, it really doesn’t serve any purpose unless the outcome of the spell is designed to target them, in which case: bleed away.  This also brings up the topic of intention.  Saved blood does you very little good.  For the most powerful effects, it needs to be drawn with intention for each different spell you are going to cast with it.  Much like in sigil use, the more broad you make the intent, the less effective it will become.

The final points that I thought I would bring up is the method and timing of acquisition of blood.  As I stated before, one of the big reasons to use blood is because it’s a sacrifice.  So, doing something that makes you bleed easily is a bit of a shortcut.  My preferred method is to make a fresh wound and draw out a bit of blood for my intended purpose.  I make it a bit of its own ritual, using my Athame to make the cut.  I never need much, typically a drop or two will suffice.  Part of the trick to it, is when you have to concentrate on wounding yourself, it helps push that intent into your subconscious.  You have to make sure you don’t go too deep, you don’t want to be too gentile or you will have to sit and hack on yourself all night, and all of that takes concentration, which takes your conscious mind off of your intent.  I find that bleeding myself can be its own form of gnosis.  I never just grab the knife, make a deep cut, and be done with it.  I’m very methodical in how I do it.  I take my time as my intentions are never to do major damage to myself, I just want to let out a little bit of my life essence to help me in what I do.  I also tend to do it as one of the final steps in my enchanting/binding/charging rituals.  It is a powerful finish, and with a gnosis-like secondary effect, it can help put the cap on the intentions of the entire conjuration.

Again, as with all Chaos Magicians, this is what I believe, and it may vary wildly when compared to what others believe, perform, and practice.  Take from it what you will, or take nothing.  It’s all just my point of view.  I just go with what works for me, and cast out what doesn’t.  There may be a time when I save the powerful effects of blood for special purposes, but at this point in my learning it is great to be able to have such strong effects that I can’t just attribute them to coincidence.

Small fruit, but still fruit…

Nobody ever said that life was fair an easy.  In fact, most people will tell you that at times life can be very difficult and quite unfair.

I’m a very positive person (perhaps to a fault), but yesterday was a tough damn day after a night with improper sleep.  After I got my daughter in bed, I ran to the local Mexican drive-thru, which is more like a taco bus with a roof, and ordered a big batch of carne asada fries.  Yeah, they’re not the best thing for me, but I’m over 6 1/2 feet tall, so I can get away with a lot.

After scarfing half my mother-load of badness, I retired to my little sanctuary, lit some incense, and got down to the serious business of relaxation.  It used to take me a while to really hit a state of total relaxation.  It involved deep meditation, binaural beats, and lots of time.  With my meditation enchantment and lamp available to me, I was relaxed within just a matter of a couple of minutes.  Auras came easily, my mind was still and easily focused, and my body had that floaty feeling you get after a solid round of meditation.  I laughingly wondered if someone slipped a barbiturate into my food order.

As simple as it was to do what I have done with magic so far, I wish that I found it a lot earlier in life.  The simple, intentional acts that I have performed with the first few steps of the Liber KKK have really enhanced what I have been working on for years.  It almost feels like cheating.  I’m just glad that my creations are there to speed up my relaxation, which leaves me more time to do purely pleasure activities, and that’s a wonderful thing.

So, as small as it may seem, last night was a good harvest of the fruits of my labor.  I spent the time, intent, and willpower to do my conjurations, and i was able to draw energy from them when I needed it.  The best part is, I have already received far more energy from them than I ever spent to make them.  Too bad we can’t power lightbulbs off of this stuff.

The most amazing Tarot reading I have ever done…

This weekend was full of all sorts of surprises.  Some of them were fairly mundane, like the huge sale I ran into at Fred Meyer that let me get twice the new furniture I was planning on for my new house, while still staying $400 under budget.  Other things were a lot more esoteric.

I have two tarot decks that I really like to use, both A. E. Waite decks.  I have always stuck with the Waite cards as I believe they are filled with so much intentional symbolism that they really help guide my readings.

Back in July, I decided that I would take the deck through the same ritual that I use to enchant an item.  So, I stated my intent for the enchantment of the deck, went through the candles, incense, and meditation portion of things, and did a little bit of blood work to finish it off.  The cards were now bound to me as a sacred object, and I set about using them with their newly imbued energy.

I noticed a difference in the cards right away.  I had never done much with this deck so I primarily relied on the other one for my big questions, as it just felt more broken in and accurate.  All of a sudden, my enchanted deck started putting out specific, relevant answers even better than my other deck had ever done.  I shared this information with my wife, and did some readings with her, and she was impressed with the quality of information I was getting out of them, even if she did remain skeptical of the Tarot as a whole.  But, the reading I did on Saturday night may have put a good portion of those doubts to rest.

On Saturday, my wife said she had a question for the cards, but she wanted to see what they said without telling me any information at all.  The question was about the relevance of a dream that she had on Friday night.  Having never done an entirely blind reading before, I was a bit nervous.  This would be a big moment for a couple of different reasons: my card reading abilities were going to be on full display and the credibility of my cards was going to be put to the test.  Even after being involved with the tarot for many years, I still ask myself whether I’m really reading the cards, or if I’m reading my knowledge of the situation, person, and personal views into the cards.

There was no chance for me to do anything but read the cards at their true meanings, and see how the relationships between the cards laid out in front of me.  As I started to lay out the cards, I instantly knew I was in trouble.  The cards decided not to show me the relevance of my wife’s dream, but to weave a story.  The only thing I could figure is that it was trying to tell me what her dream was about.  With six cards out, I decided to tell my wife about her dream.  I’m not talking about some vague generalization like so many people like to do with the cards, but a specific timeline about her dream, with details that I would have had no way of knowing about.

I insisted on having no feedback from her at all until I was done, and after I was done with the first six cards, I asked her if she needed more specific information about the relevance and resolution to the situation.  She said yes, so I laid out a few more cards and gave her the pertinent information.  After I was done giving her the information, I let her tell me about her dream, and the cards nailed it DEAD on.  Just in case someone thinks that most of these readings can be applied to anything, I’ll give you the gist of what I told her last night.

Your dream had to do with our relationship and marriage.  It looks like we start out very happy, as we are right now, but then a dark force enters the relationship.  With this guy involved [he’s a recurring character in our readings] it’s something paranormal.  He pushes us apart and causes us to end our marriage in some way, and you end up heavy into religion.

I’m not sure about you, but that doesn’t line up with a single dream that I’ve ever had.  During the reading, I also supplied a lot more information than I did in the brief synopsis above.  As it turns out, it nailed her dream spot on.  Her dream was that we were living in a house and we developed a ghost problem.  The ghost became a real issue in our lives, and I refused to move out of the house.  She ended up leaving me, and with nowhere to turn, she converted back to the Church for solace and answers.

I consider this to be a direct hit.  Obviously, the cards can’t sit down and write you out a verbatim story of what someone is about to say, but this type of accuracy is just stunning.  There is so much in the tarot that has nothing to do with her dream that I could have very easily had a total nonsense reading.  I’m hesitant to post exactly which cards I drew last night, as some people are very strict as to their interpretation of certain cards.  I’ tend to be the person that looks for connections between the cards that tell a story, and I also look for recurring themes that run through our readings, as they can cain really nail down the specifics that you may not otherwise be able to figure out.

Anyway, it was a fabulous weekend with the Tarot.  I’m glad I went through all of the bother to enchant my deck; it seems to have made a massive difference in the quality of information that the cards put out.  They really passed the test as put forward by someone else, and the lack of information combined with the amazing accuracy and clarity really help me know that I’m not reading the situation into the cards, I am reading the cards for what they are.

Just a little bit of relaxation…

Yesterday was a big day.  Not a bad day, just lots of things pulling me in tons of different directions, some of which can be very stressful.  So, I decided to pretty much take last night and dedicate the entire thing to relaxation.  After dinner and a touch of shopping, my wife and I had frappes and watched the first disc of True Blood: Season 3.  I know…season 4 is already playing, but we wait for things to hit Netflix before we watch them.  After our two episodes were over, she took a shower while I did a bit of meditating, and we called it a night.

It’s the reason I built my lamp.  I handle stress poorly, and I need to start relaxing a bit more so my head doesn’t explode.  Last night was a step in the right direction for stress management.  Obviously, I have too much to get done to turn into a couch potato every night, but I think that once in a while is good for the psyche.  Besides, we won’t get our next disc in until Monday.

That’s it for today’s update.  Part of handling stress better will be slowing down enough to relax once in a while I guess.

It’s finally a lamp…

Last night I got the chance to finish my lamp for Conjuration Five  – Sorcery Illumination.  My original vision for the piece came out fairly well as a finished project.  My only real complaint is that watercolor is a very unforgiving medium.  Unlike acrylic paints, you can’t just throw some of your base color over the top and try again; with watercolor you are pretty much stuck with whatever happens.  That being said, the cracking on the egg portion came out well, and the base is acceptable.  Before I painted, I anointed the bottom of the item with a bit of blood, so all I need to do now is some deep meditation to really get the thing going.

I guess the rest of the Illumination portion of the training is to work with the effect that is generated and use it to help achieve my goal.  As for the rest of my training, my biggest hangup right now is figuring out exactly what I want to do for my Sorcery Invocation.  I have done little disguise experiments before, and I will say that the experience can be profound.  If you change the way you dress, walk, and talk, people will have such a different view of you it’s amazing.  I’ve been accused of being in one of the bands at a rock concert and I’ve even been vehemently accused of being a professional wrestler.  Assuming different roles in situations where I have a good chance of being anonymous has been something of a sick little hobby for longer than I care to admit.  The fun part about it, is it’s terrifyingly effective.  Most people would never guess that you are any different in daily life than you are at the moment you meet them, so as long as you come off as who you want to be in those first moments of contact, you have altered your reality and theirs.