By the time I got home from work last night I was sporting a major headache. The stress has been piling up lately, and I guess it just decided to manifest itself in an annoying way. I didn’t have a good way to take care of it with anything but a couple acetaminophen while my daughter was awake, but once she went to bed it was relaxation time.
By the time she went to sleep it was moving towards a migraine. My head was just crippling, I had sound and light sensitivity, and it was painful enough to start making me feel ill. In the old days I would have piled a few excedrin into the system, but I’m off the aspirin (and derivatives) for a long, long time.
So what was the grand solution? True Blood and an Amberbock. I got the second dvd of season 3 in the mail so I popped it in, turned off the lights, sat in my comfy chair, and sucked down some suds. After the first episode I was feeling improved but not better, but by the end of the second episode I was right as rain.
So, what’s the point of this post? It’s this: Take care of yourself. Everything can wait a day if it really has to. The Liber KKK is still here for me today, even though I didn’t do one damn thing to further myself in it last night. My Tarot cards don’t hate me for not being used for an evening, my unpainted conjuration won’t be any less powerful, and Christians still hate me.
As simple as the advice may sound, it’s only really recently that I have come to put any of it into practice. It’s one of the reasons my illumination lamp lives in my smoking lounge. It’s there to remind me when I need a break to evaluate how big the break needs to be. It does it’s just very well. I was having a smoke last night, head pounding, and was looking at my little creation and I decided that I would kill the entire evening, without guilt, and just piss it away on relaxation.
Last night I set about crafting the lamp for my Sorcery Illumination. I lamented for quite a while about what I would use for this purpose. At first I thought about a ring, as I have an excellent goldsmith that I have used for projects in the past. I decided against a ring because I rarely wear the ones I have, including my wedding band. I then thought about a pendant, which wasn’t a bad idea, I just didn’t have a terribly good way of crafting one that wouldn’t be the size of a cowboy’s belt buckle.
I finally decided on making a little pocket-sized trinket that I can either pack with me, or sit conspicuously within my normal line of sight. I made it out of polymer clay and a purple crystal that I’ve had for some time. The reason I chose that specific crystal was primarily for sentimental reasons. My wife bought it for me at a local casino at the very beginning of a wonderful, relaxing weekend of play. As my goal with my illumination is to handle stress in more effective ways, the thought of the peace, happiness, and relaxation is embodied in that crystal seemed like a perfect thing to draw on for positive energies.
The design of my trinket isn’t terribly complex. The clay comes up around about half of the crystal from the bottom, and resembles a broken eggshell. It has a simple circular base that it rests in, and the crystal sticks out of the top. The symbolism of the egg comes from when I was a child. I used to eat my breakfast while watching television, and I would get so lost in my thoughts and what was going on, that sometimes I wouldn’t have any recollection of having eaten. This is the same result that I want when I try to relax, especially through short-session meditation. I want to experience nothing but what I am focusing on, which is nothingness. I want to be so engrossed in the void that I have no recollection of the what is going on around me, even if I choose to slip into the void while sitting on a bench in a crowded place. That specific goal will take a while to achieve, but success will be just the first reward of such controlled thought.
I still have work left to finish the lamp; it needs to be embellished, painted, and run through my ceremony/meditation/bleeding ritual that seems to be working so well.
As I near completion of the Sorcery portion of the training, I still have a lot left to do. I have done enough divination work over the past couple of weeks to make my head swim with tarot card images, and I have been fairly good about recording everything into my journal for later review and use. I’m going to wait a bit before I declare myself finished with Conjuration Two – Sorcery Divination, only because I’m waiting on some short-term events to unfold to help measure the accuracy that my readings produce. While I have already made a post about it, I’m still working on enchantments from Conjuration Three, but that will most likely turn into an ongoing practice, rather than something that I restrict to this training.
I’m going to save Conjuration Four – Sorcery Invocation for last, as I see it as something that I want to put a great deal of thought into before attempting. I wouldn’t want to try such a spell for arbitrary reasons, and I wouldn’t want to channel a force that I don’t understand very well. So, that leaves me with working towards Conjuration Five – Sorcery Illumination. I have a problem with improperly handling stress, so better skills in identifying when stress is coming on, accepting the outcome after I have done my part, and release after the situation has been resolved will be my primary focus for my Illumination.
Yes, that does sound like a lot to take on, but nobody said change was easy. Even magic takes work, thought, education, and dedication. If the time comes that I am ready to move toward the Shamanic portion of the training and I still do not feel complete in this step, I will consider progress a success and move forward. The nice part about moving forward is I can use the new skills I learn in later conjurations to help my overall process of Illumination.
I haven’t decided what to make as a lamp yet. I consider it to be a major part of this process, so I feel it needs to be something I make with my own hands. Just to keep snoops away, I’ll etch/engrave the piece with Theban letters, so nobody will know the intention of the piece but me. I don’t tend to speak about my beliefs outside the anonymous world of the Internet, the area I live in is terribly backwards in its level of tolerance. A local fellow received death threats just for selling the Magic CCG at his comic shop. The wild, wild west still has a bit of the “Law West of the Pecos “ running around in the shadows.